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Dear Diary,
I have given up on you. Again. Perhaps I'll continue my entries in a couple of months after I've quit gaia and left? I doubt it. But one will never know.
Signed sincerely, me.
 Soul Against Soul · Sat Apr 07, 2007 @ 03:27pm · 5 Comments |
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Dysphoric
Hold me, wrap your arms around me and lift me high,
Take my hand and lead to a place buried deep within the sky.
Hold me, whisper in my ear that this will be the end,
Promise me that this will fade and we'll stop our pretence.
Tell me, is this really how we were meant to stay,
Or did someone mark our path and we just got lost along the way?
Tell me, why do we feel such horrible things?
Why do we try to fly on already broken wings?
Take me, come and save me, bring me out of these dreams,
For they're nothing but nightmares and they show reality.
Take me, away from here. Far away, to a place void of life,
Where there are no screaming voices and I can sleep at night.
Hold me, never let go, never fade away.
Take away all life and take away the pain.
Tell me, something reassuring. Promise me no more despair,
Promise me a life where somebody will care.
Take me, to a proper home, and never leave me alone,
Never leave me at all.
and
Less Than Average
I'm no longer scared to be myself,
Because no one cares to see,
No, I don't need any of your help,
I'm fine with less-then-average me.
I'm a pessmist with a bitter sweet
Attitude for all to ignore,
'Cause your footsteps take up the street,
And there's little room for more.
I'm no longer scared to be myself,
Because no one cares to see,
No, I don't need any of your help,
I'm fine with less-then-average me.
My very much imperfect skin,
That you shall never see,
Because your visions wearing thin,
And you're never really looking at me.
I'm no longer scared to be myself,
Because no one cares to see,
No, I don't need any of your help,
I'm fine with less-then-average me.
And if I hate myself, it's fine,
You shall never know,
Not even trying to hide,
It's just you're really shallow.
I'm no longer scared to be myself,
Because no one cares to see,
No, I don't need any of your help,
I'm fine with less-then-average me.
Soul Against Soul · Fri Mar 16, 2007 @ 07:54am · 2 Comments |
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A poem, Still Pictures
I'd try to fake a smile,
But the camera never lies.
The make-ups only there
To hide the soul inside.
There's a great hidden veil,
That's draped across my eyes.
I depend on this, on something,
To hide myself behind.
Ashamed to be myself,
Ashamed of being me,
I can feel your burning eyes,
As you're staring shamefully.
I can almost read your thoughts,
You're not liking what you see.
And with just one single look,
You steal my self esteem.
Everything about you,
Makes me want to scream out loud.
I want to hate myself but
That's not socially allowed.
I still have to bite my tongue
To stop me crying out,
And if I happen to draw blood,
Well, that's what life's about.
Soul Against Soul · Mon Mar 12, 2007 @ 11:55am · 0 Comments |
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Not a story but... Not quite a poem. It's My Child.
Close yor eyes, my child,
Let the darkness take hold,
Feel it consume you
And your fears, your anger.
Sense the unkindly demise
Of your hatred.
Don't wake up, sweet child.
The complete black of absolutely nothing,
Brings meaning to life,
But it's a terrible truth.
With life comes death;
Embrace it.
Breathe in, dear child,
Inhale the sweetly scent,
Of invisibility.
As you cease to exist,
You cease to feel.
There'll be no more pain.
Exhale, small child,
Let the air escape your lungs,
And with it, your memories.
Forget all that is and all that was,
Forget who you are,
And dance in your naivety.
Rest now, my child.
There is nothing left to worry you,
You've grown weary,
Worn from your journey.
But it's over now, darling,
Let me sing you to sleep.
Soul Against Soul · Wed Feb 28, 2007 @ 09:31am · 1 Comments |
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I'll Take Cancer Anyday
So our time has passed,
We are no longer...
Why don't you put me out of my misery?
Please, take this gun,
Put a bullet in my head,
Just to make it clear,
It's your fault that I'm dead.
Would you take this knife,
And drive it through my heart?
Place two hands upon my soul,
And wrench it clean apart.
A pain that feels this real,
Doesn't seem right at all,
Without a brick to catch my head,
Everytime I fall.
Place these scars upon my wrists,
Dark circles 'round my eyes,
And when my face is drained of blood,
You'll know that it's time.
Letting go of empty promises,
With every bone you break,
My body becomes limp,
As my shoulder dislocates.
It was I who took the knife,
And sliced my neck right through,
There's no one here as I'm dying,
But this was really done by you.
And
Sorry To Disappoint, But I'm A Human Being, Just Like You
You always ask for someone else,
Am I not good enough for you?
I always offer my help,
But the words don't get through.
Another link has broken,
But I'm still chained to this life,
It won't be long now.
It won't be long.
Sorry for ever trying,
I know you don't need me.
Everyone can see you're dying,
So I guess I'll just leave.
Another link has broken,
But I'm still chained to this life,
It won't be long now.
It won't be long.
I can't do this anymore,
Don't have the energy.
Am I not worth fighting for?
Why won't you ever believe me?
Another link has broken,
But I'm still chained to this life,
It won't be long now.
It won't be long.
I've done all that I can,
Why won't you realise,
I care for you? I am
Trying hard not to cry.
But I didn't cry this time.
Another link is broken,
The chain is almost gone,
Life is slipping away...
It won't be long.
Soul Against Soul · Fri Feb 23, 2007 @ 09:49am · 0 Comments |
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A poem entitled "So Long And Farewell"
I'll be fine all by myself,
Just go ahead and leave,
Don't care for a second glance,
Don't care for a heart that bleeds.
Go ahead and forget me,
If I'm not good enough for you,
I'd tell you it doesn't matter,
But you'd know it's not true.
I'll wish you all the best,
And pretend I don't know,
That you really couldn't care less,
And your so eager to go.
I'll watch you as you run,
Far from your memories,
Your old life, your old friends,
Run far away from me.
I didn't realise just how much,
I seemed to bring you down,
I apologise for being me,
I apologise for sticking around.
But I guess you're free now,
Free to run away,
There's not much I can do,
There's nothing left to say.
I wish you well in your new life,
I know it's hard to believe,
But I truely hope you make
Much better friends then me.
Though I'd like to ask you something,
Before you turn away,
Just one last simple question,
Then you can leave today.
Why am I so forgettable?
While you, you last so long,
Stuck in my thoughts and in my heart,
Why don't I come off that strong?
How can you just forget me,
When we were meant to have been so tight?
We were laughing together this morning,
But you'd up and left come night.
Whatever the reason, I hope you're happy,
And your true colours shine on through,
And when you're done replacing me,
Remember, I'll never forget you.
Soul Against Soul · Mon Feb 05, 2007 @ 06:48am · 0 Comments |
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An Unnamed Tear
Notes: The screaming bits are like 30 seconds to mars screaming. You know, on attack how it goes "I'll attack, I'll a-WOOOOOOOOOOOAAAH" heart heart
Do you remember when
You and I were friends?
It seems so far away,
Why did you go and change?
You start to fall for no reason,
Come and go with the seasons,
What are you doing to me?
Slow down 'cause I can't breathe!
You're so corrupted,
Your soul erupted,
Fragments flying everywhere,
Shards of ice in the air.
Where did you run off to?
Now your hearts turned cold,
And your joys been sold,
Oh, you've slipped away from me,
Confrontation and confliction's what you seek,
Forever running now,
You are never around,
Why're you dragging this out, so long?
It's time to sing a different song.
You're so corrupted
Your soul erupted,
Fragments flying everywhere,
Shards of ice in the air.
Where did you run off to?
(Quietly)
Listen, now, I speak the truth,
This is what I've written for you,
And this is the only one you'll know,
Just take it and go,
(Loud)
I'm still not sure,
What we're fighting for,
Are you fighting at all?
(Louder) You stand and watch as I trip... and... fall!!
You're so corrupted
Your soul erupted,
Fragments flying everywhere,
Shards of ice in the air.
Where did you run off to?
(Almost spoken)
Do you remember when
You and I were friends?
It seems so far away,
Why did you go and change?
Soul Against Soul · Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 04:50am · 0 Comments |
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And two little poem thingy's that didn't really belong with the songs. Poor things...
Amnesia
There was a time when everything was right,
Your words were soft and your heart pure,
But you don't remember.
Why would you?
There was a time when I loved you,
And I do believe you loved me too,
You don't remember.
But I do.
Visions of the past flash across my mind,
Haunting memories still hold my heart,
I wish I didn't remember.
Why do I remember you?
And with each passing day I grow weary,
These thoughts, they're bringing me down.
I remember.
This will be the death of me.
You don't remember.
Why would you?
You don't remember.
But I do.
I do.
Untitled
Wrap a cloth around my eyes,
This isn't what I need.
A world so bleak, so grey, so dead,
Is not what I want to see.
Ignorance is bliss 'cause you block out all life,
And life's what makes us bleed.
Soul Against Soul · Fri Feb 02, 2007 @ 10:32am · 0 Comments |
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Hi... well, I decided to kickstart my journal again, because people were so awesome about the songs. Though, I've been away for so long I've prolly lost all my "fans" XP Knowing me...
And if you're wondering, yes I deleted the last song I posted. I won't get into why, but yes, it is gone. Let us forget it existed.
So, the most recent/most liked couple of songs:
...And A Happy New Year
Notes: This originally had screaming, and whispering, and all crazy things running everywhere. Though it sounded good at first, I forgot how it was meant to sound, so, just for my fellow Gaians, I shall post it differently. Like a... demo version sweatdrop
I hear screaming all around me,
There's strangers in my head,
I hear voices and they're crying,
Asking to please be dead.
Just close my eyes because
I can't take this no more
The air is thick with the smell of death,
As I'm bleeding on the floor.
The world is black, the world is blue,
The sky is dull and grey,
The future looks so bleak and I,
Don't want to end up that way.
My heart is dead, this won't change,
And that fact is frightning,
So let's make this quick, make it electric,
Like being struck by lightning.
There's no life left, I'm just a shell,
And my feet they wander freely,
'Til I'm stuck in some weird place,
Where I'd never want to be.
My tongue is tied, my eyes are glazed,
My lips are sewn up tight,
We've messed up this world of ours,
And now we can't put it right.
Seems I forgot to take that medication,
The one that stops me being me,
They took my rights, they took my thoughts,
And now they're taking my free speech.
Paranoia hits right about now,
And it seems this ice is thin,
My self esteem at an all time low,
I'm not worthy enough to wear this skin.
And do you really think I'm trying that hard,
When there's something crawling beneath my flesh?
I'll watch my life run rings around me,
And feel my organs turn to mesh.
Better pucker up 'cause here comes Death,
With a welcoming embrace,
I'll be swept away and watch from above,
As my bones disentegrate.
As I rot away, I'll steal your tears,
And the memories of me.
I wouldn't want to burden you,
With such empty thoughts.
I'm falling asleep in the hopes
That maybe I just won't wake up.
My New(Old) Leaf
I think it's time for a different kind of song,
I've been sad now for much too long,
And though I may be breaking down inside,
It's time to fake a smile and place a sheild over my eyes.
Soon I shall return again,
But for now it's time... to pretend!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with me,
I'm exactly the way everyone thinks I should be,
My heart's a heart, not black nor torn nor bleeding.
No more screaming or crying through the night,
There's company here so everything will be alright,
I'm walking on air as I skip across the street,
My hands are flying and there's springs on my feet.
I've cleaned up my act, this is all new,
I've waited so long and now it's finally true,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with me,
I'm exactly the way everyone thinks I should be,
My heart's a heart, not black nor torn nor bleeding.
(Clapping)
La la, la la, la la, la la la,
La la, la la, la la, la la la.
La la, la la, la la, la la la,
La la, la la, la la, la la la la.
I think it's time for a different kind of song, I liked what I had before
I've been sad now for much too long, That's definately not my fault
And though I may be breaking down inside, Man, that's no lie
It's time to fake a smile and place a sheild over my eyes. I just don't see why...
I'd commit such a horrible crime
Soon I shall return again,
But for now it's time... to pretend!
There's absolutely everything nothing wrong with me, Everything!
I'm exactly the way everyone thinks I should be, They don't know what they want
My heart's a heart, not black nor torn nor bleeding. It's all lies...
No more screaming or crying through the night, Only when I'm home
There's company here so everything will be alright, I want to be alone
I'm walking on air as I skip across the street, Because I'm so empty
My hands are flying and there's springs on my feet. Hoping I'll fall and bleed
This takes up too much energy
I've cleaned up my act, this is all new,
I've waited so long and now it's finally true,
There's absolutely everything nothing wrong with me, Everything!
I'm exactly the way everyone thinks I should be, They don't know what they want
My heart's a heart, not black nor torn nor bleeding. It's all lies...
Lies!!
I'll never change...
Haha, and my personal favourite...
This Rose Is Black, This Flower's Dead, So Here's A Song That I Wrote Instead
Notes: This song is insane xd
It's not okay (I'm not okay)
It's not okay to feel this way,
It's not okay (I'm not okay,
It's not okay to feel this way.
And can you taste the burning?
Watch me as I'm falling,
You won't catch me (You don't know)
Do you even know how much you hurt me?
Maybe this just wasn't meant to be.
Maybe I wasn't meant to be.
(A mistake) A I just a mistake to you?
Every waking moment is spent,
Wishing I was asleep (Don't wake up)
Those days came and went,
They left without me.
Now you won't ever be rid of me,
No matter how bad you want to be,
(I know your secret) You have nothing
I am nothing, which makes me yours,
Which makes me something, something with claws.
To rip (and kill) to rip and kill you...
I am nothing.
Every waking moment is spent,
Wishing I was asleep (Don't wake up)
Those days came and went,
They left without me.
Turn away, who'd want to see this face?
The voices in my head take me to a farawy place
Don't leave me alone! (My thoughts are scary things)
Woah, your voice is filled with lies,
I can see black vultures in your eyes.
I can taste the blood (Can you?) Can you taste it too?
Every waking moment is spent,
Wishing I was asleep (Don't wake up)
Those days came and went,
They left without me.
Do you need me? Do I need you?
This pretence carries a fair bit of truth,
Are we poor actors? (we are) We suck
Stare up at the lack of stars,
They knew they just weren't ours.
I think (Do you?) I think we need to think this through
Every waking moment is spent,
Wishing I was asleep (Don't wake up)
Those days came and went,
They left without me.
This game seems much too real,
My sense is dead but I still feel,
These cuts (they burn) they sting (they bleed)
My light is dying now,
I can figure this out, but how?
Can you hear me now?
Can you see I'm screaming?
The plain sky (it sends us) wandering back through (what has passed)
A mystic shade (of deep purple) How beautiful
(It seems so magical) It seems (so wonderful)
The plain sky, wandering back through a mystic shade,
How beautiful it seems...
How did you (know what) I was (going to say?) I took (one good) look (and ran) away.
Away...
Soul Against Soul · Fri Feb 02, 2007 @ 10:27am · 1 Comments |
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