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Another Year, Another Dollar |
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Wow, I remember typing the last journal entry 1 year ago. Time is really flying by. Right now I'm busy applying to college and procrastinating all my homework from the break until tomorrow. So much has changed in a year.
I moved in with my dad, which has been less than pleasant. It's nice to be back where I used to live though. Actually, maybe it isn't. My dad tries to be a parent, but he fails miserably. He sees me maybe 3 times a week. Well, maybe he doesn't "see" me because all that usually happens is: he walks in, watches tv, falls asleep, wakes up, goes outside to smoke a cigarette, calls his friends for a few HOURS, gets fast food, eats and falls asleep in his truck, then comes back in at 2 in the morning and goes to bed. Things have been really rocky lately, but I don't want to get into that because everyone can read this and unless I know you and real life I'm not going to talk about it.
I miss South Carolina, the way it used to be at least. Things aren't the same there, which is why I came back to New Jersey to begin with. Sarah, John, Diana, and Ashley all graduated and moved on to college and work. My two best friends from SC, and maybe my two best friends EVER, moved away. It was like it used to be for the holidays though, everyone came back. Everyone except ME! I miss them all so much.
Things ARE the same here in Jersey though, which is a problem. I'm still this shy little kid who huddles in the corner and lets everyone walk all over him. My friends here have moved on to bigger and better. They all have girlfriends and other friends, but all I have is them and I feel like I'm being left behind for the dogs to pick apart. Not that it really matters though, 6 months from now school ends and after graduation I may never see some of them again. That's why college scares the crap out of me though. I'm going to be starting all over with MAYBE one friend from school if we happen to go to the scame college.
I can't make friends here, what's going to happen there? I thought about it and just about every friend I have I made because my mom introduced me or because it was a friend of a friend. There are a few exceptions (*cough*Diana and Sarah*cough*). What if my roommate doesn't even like me? And on top of everything, all these fears are based on the thought that I'll get in. What if that doesn't happen? Sorry, but I don't want to go to community college or vocational college (no offense intended to those who do attend these).
I guess now that it's 2006 I realize just how fast I've grown. I've been thinking about my past lately. There's been so much I've missed out on, either because I couldn't or didn't want to do. I'm going to push my kids (assuming I actually have any, because at this rate I'm going to be the 80 year old, unwed virgin) to do so much more than I did. I guess I've just learned that life doesn't have a rewind button, so you should jump at every oppurtunity you have. And that leads me into my resolution: to get fit (helps boost self esteem) and become more social, because I want an actual real life.
So here's to a happy 2006, may it be better than 2005.
PS: If any of you are curious, I applied to the following colleges:
University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
College of William and Mary
The College of New Jersey
La Salle University
Rutgers University
James Madison University
Drury University
So, if you go/went to any of those please PM me about campus life and such.
 jonbnv · Mon Jan 02, 2006 @ 05:56am · 2 Comments |
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