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Woo...My first journal entry. Not much to say, except that school is kicking my a** and knocking me to the ground and kicking me in the ribs while I writhe in pain. Kay, that sounded kinda dark and unlike me. The truth is, the truth of my school situation has finally punched me in the face. I waited for it to come for a while, but it was holding back and gathering strength. I'm worried about if I'm gonna make it through this stupid program at all. I know that if I really want to make it through and keep most of my sanity, I have to abandon everything I like to do with my art and conform to the professors' ideals. If I don't do that, they won't even let me graduate. Ugh, this system is so corrupt and ridiculous... Oh well. Might as well look on the bright side of things. I think the reason I have my sanity at all is because of my friends and family, but mostly my friends. Lee, you are friggin' amazing... I feel totally better when I'm around you and when we talk and hang out. Trust me, that means a lot to me, especially coming from a person who has always had a deep fear of other females since elementary school. I've lost a few friends since what happened months ago and I put on a good face, but inside I've felt pure chaos. Everything has been thrown out of order for me and I'm thankful that I have people to depend on. Besides school, the love life thing has been kind of wierd. I feel like I've gotten a lot more picky, but at least that's better than being desperate. I know I missed out on my chance for a good relationship with someone very important to me(Yeah I know, Lee... I screwed up big time). I try to be happy for that person and I keep telling myself that I don't care that they've found happiness elsewhere, but my dreams tell me otherwise. I thought I got over it, but if I did, then why is he in my dreams almost everytime? *sigh* Damn I need to date again. I'm just having so much trouble finding the right person. I'm so glad this semester is almost over. I get to relax and enjoy the Holidays without the stress of school or a boyfriend weighing me down. So, yeah, I just noticed how long this got. Goodnite!