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I'm having trouble sleeping tonight because of a horrible, sad image that won't leave my mind. my whole day had begun to wilt when i was informed that it was a record chill last night.
It's only October and I had a scarf, gloves, beenie, and my winter cycling tights this morning on my way to Blue Planet. I help them out with the organic produce, doing some cashier stuff and the sort for a 20% discount. i know too well why this year had a record high temp in summer and will surely have a record low temp in winter: yea what else, global ******** warming. and what's the #1 cause? burning fossil fuels. and what burns that more than anything?? americans and their automobiles. huh. just then an suv pulls up outside the store window. how ironic, the main reason it's so hard to grow organic food is because of our pollution and car crap; this lady drove her bus here just to buy some. stare

so josh and i are riding home around the "rush hour" (that's really 24/7) and we see this fuzzy body in the middle of the road. I recognized it was an orange cat, but then I saw it lift it's head and look around meowing. As we were passing it I knew for sure the cat was still alive and its back legs were injured. The cat looked at both of us, and I was in a split secound of turning my wheel toward it. Within that secound, an suv rolled right over the cat. I slowed traffic as I pedaled close to it and saw a bright puddle of blood flowing out of his /her mouth. I was in such shock and disbelief repeating the same words over and over I just kept pedaling past it and then really started to cry when I thought the words through,"it's so not fair, it's so not fair." how could this happen...they didn't even stop.

and people make fun and critisize me about being vegan and caring so much about "stupid" animals more than people and why don't I just buy a car and bla bla... but they never see what I see. they never spend a minute of their time doing their own research about how much destruction we cause and how to stop. And I do not see people as "not as important," but what causes people to suffer? other people.

but what makes me sick to my stomach is how someone can run over a living OR dead body. If by accident, why do they keep driving?? would we do that to a human body? I'm sure that cat has a family of people too.

here's a truth about what cars do to us. we forget about the journey and only want to get to the destination as quickly as possible. Inside that capsule, we whizz by all the smells, sounds, and smaller details of our world around us without a secound glance. We wouldn't notice if something was different unless it was a major attraction. All we think is "There's no time to stop and live each moment, I have to get home because my job sucks and my life sucks and im addicted to junk consumption and it doesn't even phase me that I just blew away an important little animal."

I could have helped that cat.
I could have found it's family and brought it home.
My heart aches more and more with these experiences, but pounds harder and harder each time I get an opportunity to show someone a few facts and encourage peace, compassion, and wisdom.

[ part 1 ]

so i make this awesome protien shake for josh and i this morning:
blend tahini(sesame seed butter) in water with 3 dates, honey, and cacao powder.
i threw in a banana and we burst out the door.

being raw vegan has never felt so good. the flexibility, the quicker recovery (after any sport), and the overall feeling of "good" is really powerful. energy is just endless and u can eat all the time. we load our meal salads with nuts, seeds, raisins, sprouts, chopped roots, diced tomatoes and cucumbers, lots and lots of greens....all organic of course, because ur senses become more keen and the taste of pesticides and junk is really gross. (washing won't take out that stuff either, u know).

so we ride out to get my check cashed (money$!) and grab some goods at BLue PLanet (our favorite, local, organic produce store) and head toward downtown. it's bike week and the streets are polluted with the loud drums of the motorcycles (and burps of the riders). i keep my feelings on wasted resources and disgust to myself. domokun

we meet up at the square with the owner of a cool dutch bicycle company. he organizes a critical mass ride every friday at 5pm. we always show up. ^_^ some new people joined in, and one of them was writing an article in the college paper about it. cool. a nice group shows and we take off. basicly we try to keep a lane to ourselves riding two abreast. we keep close together so that no cars can get in between us, sometimes we have to block traffic (but thats the main idea wink )

beach cruisers, dutch models, road bikes, tall bikes (two frames welded on top of each other), mountain bikes, and even some crappy wal-mart bikes...it was fun, especially when this fat cop on a motorcycle comes up and demands we stay to the right so that cars can pass us. we keep our formation (because we know our vehicle handbook and keep it with us) and tell him "this is critical mass, our way of demonstrating cycling alternatives to get around in the city. we're side by side because it's safe an encouraged in the handbo-" he cuts us off and yells "please keep to the right!." josh gets angry. "there's nothing wrong with what we're doing! You are breaking the rules by having a third 2 - wheeled vehicle next to us!" so the cop yells and some of us move to the right. as the cop turns right downa street, josh (who's extremely fast) goes after him. we watch him chase the cop around the corner and i assure everyone he'll be fine and we should keep riding.

i leave behind a trail
a messy scatter of crumbs
where long hair strands fell
inked finger prints of my thumbs

i’d rather leave memories
instead of loose paper notes
to remember stories
favorite films and their quotes

i hope he doesn’t mind
the pen marks on his blanket
i wonder if he’ll find
the missing yogurt packet

if the tea drops are still there
may he follow them to me
may my scribblings everywhere
help him keep my memory

An Inadaquate Response....

I woke up early to another mess--
The night before, we did not rest
We talked and wrote, we laughed and drew
And now I’m thinking, remembering you
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As I clear a spot on the kitchen table
I can see the night before
But where’d you go?- you who are able
To leave these messes that I adore?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
They enhance the Image, and let it linger
Of you who left them there,
(So you should know that I don’t care)--
May that image never get weaker
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
By now you should know that I don’t mind
And that I’m attracted to the ‘messy’ kind
May this Image of you never die!

make up and money
consumption and waste
sexy and funny
copy, cut, and paste

for woman and man
life is living up
to mass and demand
refilling each cup

with saddness and pain
gluttony and greed
high pressure and strain
more spending and speed

beauty and wisdom
happiness and peace
living as a crumb
absorb and release

for stars and planets
life is a spiral
to know and forget
dreaming to recall

what happened to us?
we cover our face
fake our strength and trust
fold love for an ace

make up and money
masks and false value
attracts the foney
killing pure and true

for woman and man
life is to dispose
confusing and bland
watching as it goes

with feeling and thought
respect big and small
consider this earth
and love who we are