San Diego Comic Con. This is a convention that I have been attending since I was a small girl - almost an initiation ritual into absolute geekdom. Every year I go, and every year there's something new and exciting.
However this year was different.
This year I was on a mission.
Given to me was a mission of the utmost importance - to seek out issues of Transmetropolitan. I had no other goal unlike previous years, which was something frivilous as "Spend all my money" or "stare at the Penny Arcade fellows". I actually had a COMIC I wished to buy this year, instead of posters, CDs, little tiny keychains with anime characters on it and all the like. And what better place to search for a comic than a <i>goddamn comic convention</i>? I had never thought about this before! Comics! At a comic convention! The idea was just overwhelming!
My journey began promptly at 11:30, in which my horrid attempts to leave BEFORE then were dashed by a small dog and a fussy hairdryer. Leaving was simple, but then to my horror I had discovered: I had no frappichino. None. Here I was, driving downtown without a Starbucks in hand. My mind slipped into a panic. What would happen without my caffiene? Would I be able to make it through the con? Would I even find the con? Was there a Starbucks there? If the Starbucks was there, would it be the same quality as a normal shop?
About halfway to the con, my mind stopped asking all these questions and my focus was simply on getting there. Upon reaching my destination, which was actually the Fashion Valley Mall, I promptly assured myself as how to I was the smartest creature alive -- parking at the mall to get onto the trolley. Last year I had done a similar tactic, resulting in not driving around downtown and hating myself like no other.
Well, apparently I was now among the masses of smart creatures. For the next 40 minutes, I drove around the mall parking lot attempting to find a single place. To make a long story short, and exclude a lot of cursing, I finally said "******** it" and parked in a spot off the road in the grass. People soon followed the example and a field thus became a parking lot for the day.
Now, San Diego is fantastic at planning for events. This weekend, on Saturday alone, there were five events occurring downtown within the same area. A ballgame, a convention, an opera, some sort of huge all day party, and an opening of some prestigious bullshit that no one cared about, but everyone showed up for it anyway.
To help it's citizens, San Diego Transit made the brilliant idea of having a trolley run directly to the convention centre. Now, normally it DOES run to the convention centre, but it stops off at other locations. However this special trolley went directly to the front, bypassing all those tedious stops.
Upon finally reaching the trolley station, I made it to the ticket machine. Now, the machine was a tricky devil. You pick the route you want, how many tickets you want, and what type you want. Very easy, right? Of course. The machine also accepted (as it was shown with pretty pictures underneath the slot) 1$, 5$, 10$, and 20$ bills. To my excitement, I had two twenties on me in preperation and triumphantly placed my bill into the slot.
"This machine will not accept denominations more than 5.00$"
Brilliant. ******** brilliant.
As I tried the other machine, hoping that the money was just low in the other the special trolley arrived! Oh joy, convention centre, here I come!
"This machine will not accept denominations more than 5.00$"
********.
I began asking everyone surrounding me if they had change for a 20, or 2.50$. That's all I needed. Old men and pregnant women alike apparently did not have change to spare, nor to break. My heart weeped with great sadness as the trolley then sped away, not to return for at least an hour and a half.
Grumbling and mumbling, mostly to the poor Spider Jerusalem who I had called on my cellular phone about how much I hated everything at that given moment, I headed over to a shop to get change. So I could ride the goddamn trolley.
Upon recieving said change, I headed back, bought my ticket, and waited a bit. Hopped on the first trolley going down that way, and all was good. Oh yes. Very good.
About 10 minutes into my trolley trip, we were delayed. For 45 minutes. Because some jackass smashed his car in the way of the trolley.
Just brilliant.
Upon reaching my destination, which was a 15-20 minute walk away from where I wanted to be, I realized how god damn hot it was out. Eventually however, I made it to the convention and to make a long story short, showing up late is a bad thing. Another 45 minute wait just to sign up for getting INTO the convention, due to a mass of unbathed idiots lumped together, confused as to what a line was.
Then it began. My cellphone continued to go off until finally I had to turn the volume down and missed a total of 8 calls. Apparently some of my friend's BE sense went tingling and s**t, and proceeded to call me asking me where I was. My friend, Ska decided to wait for me in the line as I was bitching rather convincingly how I was going to gouge people's eyes out with the woman behind me's fairy wings that kept smacking me in the back of the head. I hope that woman's reproductive organs shrivel up and die, because she had 4 giggling little shits with her all dressed like fairies also that were taking up the entire girth of the hall. Yes, you're in costume. No, you're not special. Yes, I can see your c**t with that short of a skirt you stupid trollop. No, I won't practice any self restraint if you smack me with your costume again <i>so help me God</i>.
Luckily for them, myself, and the San Diego Police, Ska showed up to entertain me until the line got moving again. After registering I realized a good, and horrible thing. Because I had left around 12 or so, and it took me about 3 hours or better to actually get to this place, I was there after 4. Which meant I only had 3 hours to look around - but on the plus side I only had to pay 10$. Which means more spendin' monies.
I followed Ska to where the alleged FUKU meet (F*cking Otaku!) was, and ran into Chiriko, Rin, Nuriko, and some other people who's names I did not catch. I was the only one lacking some sort of Japanese alias, and felt saddened. The meet initially took place above the courtyard where some gits in full armor on a 92 degree day were battling with what looked like deli meats wrapped up in duct tape.
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Nothing says "masochism" like dressing up in a full suit of armor on a hot day.</center>
After watching this for a while and getting bored fairly quickly, my friends Eric and Erica called. They awaited me at the Narnia booth, and I was trying to escape. However, I spent probably 40 minutes more than I should have with FUKU and then I finally fled when they went to go see Tenacious D.
Ska came along with me however, which made for interesting everything. We discussed various things, such as the distinct smell of onion, cabbage and sweets eminating from the comic con floor. I was worried.
We met up with Eric and Erica (who I shall henceforth refer to Eric&a) at a nondescript booth, and then our journey began. In my worry of lack of time, as I now only had two hours, I used them as guides to show me around the convention as best as possible. They had been there since Thursday and had essentially seen all.
And then I saw it. The floating bastion of my sanity.
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Pikachu's a** has never looked more enticing.</center>
We had reached the Nintendo booth, which distracted me from my mission of obtaining Transmetropolitan -- yet it was a good distraction. There, the lot of us watched and played the new Zelda game to my absolute glee, and awaited the arrival of a friend who I have not seen since I went to my old college. Gavin is best known for defeating the pirate at Balboa Park with his bagel.
While waiting for Gavin, we noticed something was slightly amiss. It looked as if there were a mascot on the opposite side of us! I obviously wanted to see what it was, and I was promptly greeted with something that shall haunt me until I die:
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LINK WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN WITH HIS HUGE ******** EYES</center>
This is a prime example as to why I would never be able to sleep again if anime characters were real. Holy ********, it was frightening. While I will admit that the costume in all actuality was very well done and convincing, and the head bit was good, it was just so horridly out of proportion and FRIGHTENING that I could only admire for a small amount of time. If you wonder why he is bending, it is because he thought I was taking a low picture of him. More or less, I was lowering my camera phone in absolute fear that he might soon devour me.
Finally, I became antsy. I was surrounded by Pokemon lovers, a giant a** scary Link, Pikachu's floating a**, and I only had an hour and 20 minutes left until the convention closed. I needed to finish my mission.
Eric&a said they would wait for Gavin, as Ska and I ventured off into the unknown, trying to figure out where the holy ******** the comic would be. To give you an example, Comic Con is broken down like this
Merchandise --& pretty promos --& useless s**t (and artist's alley, which occasionally falls under the same category)
The merchandise has absolutely no order or anything. The middle had a Vertigo booth, which I headed too thinking it would be useful. Oh, not really. Just a giant poster of Hellblazer, the Sandman and some people. Wow. Oh look, free comics that I didn't give a s**t about! Last time I picked up a free comic it had a couple having sex with a horse, and therefore I don't pick up free comics all willy nilly. My love for equestrian riding can never be rekindled at this point.
Finally after a lot of wandering, we found a shop set up with comics from all the major labels, and happy were we. While I didn't find all the comics, I DID find issues 5 - 10. I bought them. Oh, I bought them. And this is where BE says:
COUNTER-TERRORISTS WIN.Upon completing the mission given to me by Spider Jerusalem himself, I could now rampage about the convention unchecked. Meeting back up with Eric&a, as well as Gavin, we discussed the finer points of the futility of staying at AI for a game art and design degree. With this, Gavin left me his number and vice versa, and vanished from the convention, as he had been there since Wednesday.
Eric attempted to give me the highlights tour, which despite the fact we now had about an hour or less left, did a damn good job. I wasn't particularly impressed with anything this year, then again I didn't really have a chance to wander. I saw of course the SquareEnix booth, Cartoon Network, Nintendo again, DC, Darkhorse, Marvel, and the like. By this time Eric and I started going nuts at all the anime we were seeing, and began shouting things such as "MY FAVOURITE COLOUR IS ANIME!" and the like.
However, there was a gaggle of Jedis. There's always Jedis at conventions, but this is the first time I have seen them together in such force.
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A group of Jedi virgins pose for a picture, undoubtably proving their coolness and p***s size.</center>
What was nice was a group of robots quickly crashed the photo session and throughly creamed the Jedis shouting "DESTROY". The robots, who were far more impressive then were followed and photographed, with the Jedis left bemoaning their defeat. It's alright though, they would soon go home and post on their forums about the audacity of lesser forms not realizing the true might of the Force.
By this point, the convention was closing. We whipped by to see sets of Wallace & Gromit, as well as the Corpse Bride. And of course, the 2000 promotions for Rob Zombie's movie "The Devil's Rejects". Lord knows why anyone is allowing Rob Zombie to make another movie, but I suppose we can't ALL be winners.
We left the convention upon closing with intent to return for Masquerade. We headed to Horton Plaza, the only mall in the world designed by M.C ******** Escher. After finally finding our way to the food court, we sat down and discussed the day which consisted of "******** otaku", "fairy bitches" and "I still don't get why they're letting him make ANOTHER movie". We did however run into someone dressed up as Kikyo from Inu Yasha, to which Eric started shouting "KIKYO! KIIIIKYOOOOOOO!". Eventually I was paid a dollar, and I went up to her and told her if she was still looking for the Shikon jewel, for I had some shards in my purse.
Confusion. Bafflement. And then:
"ARE YOU AN INU YASHA FAN TOO LIKE OMG!"
Fleeing. Running.
Finally we headed to the Masquerade, which is a dress up contest of sorts. What they do is parade 60+ idiots across a small stage who perform skits and show off their hastily made costumes. Most either try to be artsy and magical, or show off their amazing knowledge of Japanese ANEEMAY!
However, after being inside the room for a total of 10 minutes, I noticed something. And then the horrible realization dawned upon me.
The room in which I was in was the room where my high school prom had been hosted. A room that once assured the lost virgnity of around 900 girls was now hosting close to 4,800 virgins for a costume show.
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The biggest gathering of nerds in San Diego on a Saturday night in hopes of seeing sexy girls in short outfits.
NOT PICTURED: Actual girls</center>
To simplify things, it was around 60 costumes, which of only maybe 5 were worthwhile. The Masquerade is a time of bad costumes, horribly boring skits, and for ugly girls to dress in absolutely nothing. A majority of the costumes were women in bikinis and a pretty hat, showing off leg. I kid you not. Though Eric and I made it an experience to enjoy, answering the host's every question (rhetoric or not) with "MATT DAMON!'
We quickly agreed the proper response to any question is "Matt Damon".
Where did you park?
Matt Damon.Did you see that guy?
Matt Damon.What will stop these brothers from fighting?
Matt Damon.And the winner is?
Matt Damon.What's your favourite colour?
Matt Damon.See? It's wonderful. It replaces "your mom" with the proper answer.
We did not stick around to see who won - we were tired and miserable at this point. I had a blister the size of Texas on my heel, and Eric had two stubbed toes. We ran into a sub-par Cid Highwind, who I took a picture of anyway because I am such a fangirl, then discussed in earnest the potential of Matt Damon taking over the world.
And to end the comic con adventure, what kind of person would I be without reporting some sort of useless violence?
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Durka dur. </center>
Some asshat crashed his car in front of us at an intersection. Joy.
And that concludes my comic con report. And now, I fancy a nap.
