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	Something Far Out Whatever I feel like goes in here. As the journal gets bigger, there will be spatterings of a story, identifiable by their chapter name. There will be my thoughts and feelings. There will be artwork. Oh yes. There will be artwork.

	********. i'm sorry.
	********. i'm sorry.


I'm screaming and I'm screaming, but I can't make him hear me. There's a puddle of spit and blood and mucus on the floor, inches from my face. My eyes are so dry from crying I can barely keep them open. My body jerks and twitches with sobs. I can only imagine that this is what you walking away feels like. This is you, walking away and you've still got my heart and it's clenched in your fist. I'm sorry this is how it went. I can't stop crying over him. When I think it's better, I miss him some more. I want him, I need him back in my life. And I can't I can't ever have him back because I made a stupid mistake. I wish I could change it. I wish I could change it. I want that back again. I want him to love me again. I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me we're going to get married some day. I can't ever have him back. I can't ever have you back. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't even be happy with you as my friend. I'm sorry I messed that up too. I miss you so much. Please come home. Nintendo Faggot · Wed Aug 15, 2007 @ 05:02pm · 0 Comments


Total Value: 449,746 Gold [Item Information] Item List: Aquatica Egyptian Blue Linen Wrap Fairy Wings Gift of the Goddess Winged Anklets I want this. Help me. Nintendo Faggot · Tue Jun 19, 2007 @ 11:10pm · 0 Comments

	Nameless Fears : Chapter One
	Nameless Fears : Chapter One


" There are ghosts in those walls, mama." A seven year old child looked up at her mother with impossibly big blue eyes, her small hand in her mothers. In other situations this pose would have brought a smile to a strangers eyes, a child looking up to her mother with what could have been adoration. The look on her mothers face dispelled that belief. " What do you mean, hunny?" She knelt beside her pretty blonde daughter, placing her hands on her shoulders and looking at her dead on. " Home. There are people there mommy. They talk to me. Sometimes they scare me." She said, her little girl voice didn't seem to belong with her words, and her mother blinked long, luxurious eyelashes over vibrant green eyes. Her daughter hadn't inherited her eye color, but her fathers. The hair was her mothers though. " There's no such thing as ghosts, silly." Her mother gently pinched her childs cheek as she stood in one graceful motion. This was probably the wrong thing to say, and might have put the poor child where she ended up. There was no such thing as ghosts. Then what were the invisible people in the house? They certainly weren't her friends, because, well, friends didn't scare you or hurt you like this. So the blonde child put her hand back in her mothers, but it wasn't the same as before. At the tender age of seven, she distanced herself from her mother, who ridiculed the idea of ghosts. Why didn't the statement make things better? Why didn't it chase away the bogeyman under her bed, in her closet and in her walls? Why didn't her mother have the same magic as other mothers to banish the monsters from whence they came? At seven, Dalila Leland had no answers. --------------------------------------------------- At seventeen, she was running around the house, her bare feet slapping the floors and the sound echoed off the baren walls. She yanked curtains closed, sometimes screaming as she did it, as if shouting would keep her from hearing their pleas, and closing the blinds kept them away. There were times as she did this ritual that she would cry, her fear of what she couldn't see turning into a terror that she could not control. Garet Mirksmith had felt sorry for her. Not at first, mind you. In public, during daylight and out of her house, she was normal. She was the kind of girl you could fall in love with, and marry. She was nice. Pretty. Her blonde hair had gotten paler, her blue eyes brighter. She developed slim hips and small breasts, and a petite figure. She looked frail and helpless, but when she smiled it lit up a room. " You can call me Lee. Most people do, I think. I like it better anyway." She smiled and shook his hand. Garet introduced himself as Garet and offered to take her out for a movie. But at the moment he was watching her at the worst. Her blue eyes reflected a fear that was almost painful, and her tears were drying in tracks down her pale cheeks. In this light it looked like she had two black eyes, but it was the dark circles from having not slept. She told him they get into her dreams. As she was saying this she was crouched under the big picture window in the living room, peering outside of it before she crawled underneath to pull the heavy grey drapes over the window. " Garet, they're everywhere!" She squeaked, sliding down the wall, and then shuffling away from it. They were mostly in the walls, she had told him one time. I'm done for now. Check back for the second half, if you're interested. Nintendo Faggot · Wed Mar 21, 2007 @ 03:03am · 0 Comments

	Kippers and soup.
	Kippers and soup.


Fucking right. I have some kippers, which I will not share with any of these damn cats and later there will be tomato soup to be had but I still need hugs. I'm damn lonely. Nintendo Faggot · Sun Mar 18, 2007 @ 09:26pm · 0 Comments

	Liars
	Liars


Liars we are all liars. Nintendo Faggot · Thu Mar 15, 2007 @ 03:23pm · 1 Comments

	Fuzzy
	Fuzzy


I love my cat. He never object to a good petting He'll never leave me for a hotter owner He's never leave me because I'm crazy when I cry, he purrs to make it all better He'll stay the night with me and still be there in the morning He listens very well He likes to play with glitter He's a little bit clueless and it's adorable He's fuzzy to touch he can always make me smile, somehow. Because he loves me, even though I'm bitchy and crazy most of the time. And he'll never leave me. NEVER. Nintendo Faggot · Wed Mar 14, 2007 @ 10:13pm · 0 Comments

	I wish
	I wish


Sometimes I wished I smoked or something. So when I got pissed off or when I walked because I was upset I would have something to do with my hands. Sometimes I wish I were addicted to something so I would have a reason for letting people down. So I could have some place to go where everything was wonderful so that when it killed me I wouldn't even know. Sometimes I wish that I could crawl under a rock and disappear forever because I don't want to be here anymore. Nintendo Faggot · Wed Mar 14, 2007 @ 09:48pm · 0 Comments

	Please stop
	Please stop


You're breaking me. I can't keep up this calm facade and pretend that nothing is wrong. I can't keep smiling when it feels like someone is using my heart as a pin cushion. I can't say my day was fine and I can't keep doing this. I'm sorry isn't enough and I am not enough. All I have to offer you is my body because I am nothing now. I want someone who loves me, more than anything that's the kind of person I thought you were. But you brokke my heart and changed it all. When they were your first. When I was nothing. I was as good as gone. Because I am not good enough for them. I would not break for them, I would not be their puppet. But I'm fighting to not do it for you too. I want to be free. I want to be happy and smiling and mean it. I want to put ribbons in my hair and I want to wear a dress and I want you to say that I'm beautiful, and mean it. I want to be the one who makes you happy. But I can't. I can't even do this one simple thing. I'm so sorry. Nintendo Faggot · Wed Mar 14, 2007 @ 04:59am · 0 Comments


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nintendo f*****t rocks the your coffee based beverages.

and piknic.

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