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my stint at longs seems to be taking a turn for the worse.... i guess it was bound to happen after nearly four years...

I bought a Lap top on Monday.
At the Citrus Heights Best Buy. It's an Asus G-1.
It cost 2100 dollars.

As if that weren't enough. Yesterday, at Fry's.
I bought photoshop esque software to play with.
And a 6GB Flash drive. It's really fat. It's kinda funny.

Somethings that hurt are:

When Sean says that he will call, and doesn't.
When he ignores me for something/one else.
After he forgets to call he'll say that he's sorry and won't do it again... and does it again. That one really hurts.
When Sean completely ignores me, despite repeated attempts to speak.
Also, when he goes out with friends, and stays out late. And, when I try to do the same thing, he gets angery... very angery.

Somethings that aren't liked are:

When I am used something for (mostly) his pleasure...
When he makes fun of bands I like...
That Sean lives so far away.

Somethings that are liked:

When he gets excited about things he likes.
When he calls, and talks for a long time.
How cute he is when he is asleep.

Somethings that are loved and appreciated:

How he normally makes me feel.
When he kisses me.
How much he likes my weirdness, and how he accepts it.
When he refurs to us as "us", just like he has, pretty much, since the begining.
Sean being so short.
How he seems to know everything about nothing.

I had a bad dream where I was sent to hawaii, not a bad thing in itself, but i was transfered there by my work, and like i had this bill due as soon as i arrived there. and my dad chased me down, it was just a horrible dream.

We used to cuddle,
without heavy petting.

We used to talk on the phone,
with out my having made a grevious error.

We used to be friends,
Now we are strangers.

Where have we gone?
How did we lose what we had?
When did we lose sight of us?
Why can't we be that way again?

We could talk for hours on end,
now it seems that we shout for them.

We could just bask in the comfort of one another,
now basking still happens, but with a tint of pain left from our rougher times.

Where did mein liebe go?
Did he take Kei with him?
When will they come back?
Why did they leave?
How could something so good go so bad?