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Man... I decided to try and get a hold of a few people I was so close to in Michigan via Myspace... Wow. I had 107 pages of messages in my inbox dating all the way back to beginning of 2006 pretty much. Made me sick to my stomach. Made me wish that I would just turn back time and just prevent so much hurt and confusion. Needless to say it helped me spiral a bit deeper...

I can't sleep right now because I don't want Sarah to go back home. I'll miss her so much and I'm gonna be 100% jealous. So much in life has just gone wrong and I don't even realize how much until something like this happens since I forget so much.

=.= :le sigh:... Why couldn't I be wide awake for hours and hours while we had time to do stuff?! Oh no... It had to happen the night she's leaving.

But yeah.... Just needed to get this out somewhere

Coming Soon

to have a Good Day!!!!! I don’t know why it is right now that life has conspired against me so that I’m not allowed to have one day at all without some strife or pain or annoyance or some other something to come in and snatch any chance of remembering what was good about my day.... WHY DAMN YOU?! WHY?!?!?!

Take today {out of many bad days lately} for instance. It started off pretty nice with Matt getting home earlier than usual. We snuggled and talked and just had a nice morning. He stayed awake because Sebastian had to go to the doctor’s office to catch up on one of his shots today. Well it was a bit far off in time because he ended up getting crabby while finishing a run in PSU with a friend. And I guess I didn’t help anything by saying "Come on MATT! We have to go now or we’ll be late!" After about 5 minutes of that... that was it! He crabbed at me, I bitched at him.... It was a all out word fest between us about sleep and all that jazz. I finally just told him I wasn’t gonna deal with him and took off crying with Sebastian for the doctors office. {And mind you it was not easy considering my hand was stabbed by my damned sharp tweezers yesterday night and skewered my muscle. Man that hurt and still does.}

So Sebastian and I finally get to the doctor’s office {about 25 minute drive at times} on less than an eight of a tank of gas. {That only added to my stress cause we had no money for gas} We waited for about 15 minutes or so after signing in just to find out that he couldn’t get his shot due to the office policy of not giving shots without a Wellness Appointment. Well I was beside myself and stressed and pissed. It was the damn doctor who told me to make an appointment for a shot only to get him caught up on them. The best they did for us was let me make his appointment at the best "Most convenient" time for us. So home I went saying things to myself in my head I only wished I had said to the doctor and staff. I got home feeling depleted of all that makes one feel like a human.

I woke Matt up and asked him to fix Sebastian's new car seat cause the straps were too tight for him. Then I got Sebastian and myself set up for something that would make us both happy... lunch for him and PSU for me. I started feeding Sebastian lunch till Matt came back in and we hugged and kissed and said I’m sorry. While in the warmth of his embrace I failed to realize that Lil Man could reach his peaches and that he spilled them everywhere possible. So we proceeded to clean up ad figure out what to do with a screaming and frustrated baby. {And I was right there with him}

My mom and I had planned a day out together and so after Sebastian had a bottle {I was in no mood to try food again} and I finished up a PSU mission we set off... Mom, Sebastian, and me. We had a wonderful lunch at Chili’s and had fun at the baby convention that seemed to take place there. {We ended up by 3 other baby boys. How funny} After lunch we went to Macomb Mall for some fun and shopping. We even stopped by the pet shop and played with a fuzzy $1000 puppy. {OI VAY!} Then to Lane Bryant.. Where I managed to find a cute outfit {for when Matt and I take a mini vaca next week} and a couple goodies for my Sarah who was feeling like crap. After spending money I didn’t have to spend we were off to home.

We hung out together and watched some American Idol and then Matt and I jumped in the shower where we almost got into another fight! Luckily it stopped before it could escalate to something nasty like earlier. Things were great for about 4 hours of my long day till about 30 minutes ago when mom and I got in a fight over stuff that should or shouldn’t be in Sebastian’s crib. {I know how he sleeps well enough to know what might be and will not be dangerous to him} So I said something I prolly ought not to have said and so did she and she took off to the store....

I hated that because I believe in not letting the sun set on your anger. {Even though it was already dark....} So yeah... my nasty day turned good then back to ick. Starts with a fight and ends with a fight.... Life... you sure can be a son of a biatch! It seems life has just been all bickering and fighting lately! Where’s my break from it? Is it too much to ask for a small tinsey break from getting close to a fist fight? *shrugs* Such is my life right now... It’s not much, but it’s my life. At least I’m living! I’ll thank God for that one.

After all that ranting I look down to see my exhausted baby who had been wiggling around on my bed a few minutes ago, now asleep on my leg {Strategically placed so he wouldn’t fall off} and I think... ’Life’s not so bad when I look at him.’ As I told him earlier when Matt and I fought this morning "You are the one thing good in my life." Now I know Matt and I have our moments when he pisses me off to no end then we make up and all seems right in the world at that moment and nothing could top it because I love him more than anyone, but Sebastian will always be the one thing in life that we did right. Life isn’t so bad when you think of things that way. And now before I lose my foot due to loss of blood circulation from baby sleeping on foot... I shall move him to his bed. {Where one of the items in question still remains damn it! I make the final decision on that one!}

And so ends my rant.