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Black_Thorn's Journal
One year
stare Wow its been one year since i made my entry in this thing You could call this my Year of hell. After a fall from grace nothing can be the same.
well i realy dont need to go into detail about anything do i the other entries tell it all pretty clearly what to do about it is the question. The answer well your guess is as good as mine. Does a broken heart ever heal. To this day i cant listen to songs or watch movies that I did when i was with her sept for Sherk lol that was one of her favs and mine too man what a crumy year.


What to do
Bah i am brok lol funny thing is i have not spent it my self gave to my family. Oh well ill get it back i better i want go back to my fav place in the whole wide world and i need my money lol but enough of that i should be home soon well soon by my counting any way but nothing to do when i get back yes i will hang with my dad but i can only be around pops for so long you know so what to do i dont know. anyway im bored Iraq still sucks cant wait to be home


The endlesss night do u belive in dreams
I wish i could i wish that i coud belive that in some way they held the key to the future. But i cant.

the first time i was truly happy in my life i couldent myself very well I dident make mistakes i scred up major and my happiness went away it so simple so many things that if done differnt could have changed every thing.

I wouldent have lost her last year her sweet image wouldent haunt my dreams giving me the joy i once felt again only to wake to reality and the cold fact that she is gone and I wil never hear sweet voice as she sings a soft song.
I will nver hold her in my arms again nor kiss her softly on the lips. I am a lost soul without a path to take we became friends for a while later on it dident last long we lost touch. She got a new boyfriend and i a new gf she seemed so happy so i was happy for her on the outside but inside my heart was aching crying dying scryimg her name in troubled slumber.

I made all seem well the only time i ever lied to her told her how glad i was she was happy again. How happy I was with my gf it was all a lie, I wanted her to be mine again but where it possibale i would have sold my very soul the devil and marched on the gates of heaven to but have anothere moment in her embrace.

The image I give to those around is nothing more than a mask for every night i sleep i see her face every dawn i wake speaking her name. I cry when im alone i hate myself whne im alone for losing she who i would die, the only one i would kill for without a thought, if ony to take away her pain and give her happines i would galdy lay down my life even if death came at her hand I would welomce its cold grip. and welcome the endless night.


My rotten life
stare Well waht do you know. Im still in Iraq i dont like it but waht can i say Iraq is more like home than any place i have ever lived i will have spent more time here than anwheer else in my Miltatry carrer and I will have lived here longer than any where else in most of my life so battlefeild Iraq home sweet home. cry
I am such a loser cant seem to do anything right sept handle a weapon and no one i have cared about wants me doing that.
Life was simple befor i fell in love true love. I dident care if i lived or died so the Army aside form being a child hood dream was a good Honorable life to go for. But just befor I coudl attapempt that I fell in love and nothing has been the same since. Oh sure I failed at love but something like that changes you, makes you relize waht you have been missing out on in life.

will i ever get the happy life I want doubtful I am a fat selfish bakka, I never thought I was but I have to face facts I am i do for others cause I normaly want something I am kind and sweet the woman of my eye cause i dont like being alone i spent too much time alone. But some how i have messed up more times than i can count. Did i ever love Wanda yes but that love was put to the test day in and day out till I could not take it anymore.
Did i ever love Trueloy (edited) yes without a doubt she was my first love and i love her still to this day and would rather be a friend than to not be part of her life at all. Guess that in some books is love knowing whne to let goto a point.... sigh gtg take care all


My life is over
She cheated on me, it sucks I love her still but I dont know where to go form here. God I wish I hadent started a relatinoship with her then I would stiull have the loving friend that she always was.

Sad part is I still miss (Edited) I have only given my hole heart to 2 women in my life and it was broken both times. I messed up with (Edited) and I deseverd what I got, But I gave (Edited) everything
If only thijngs had been differnt.


Back In Black
Well this has been a good X-mas my Ex and I are friends so to speak I am glad things are a little better for her I finaly got the freedom I needed to help her and gave her a nice x-mas gift. My current and I are doing well she is happy so I am happy sounds silly I know but I dont care if I am happy or not I cant be I dont desever happiness I am too much of a baka to be worthy of it. I can do my best to make those I love happy I talked to my big bro and Grandma for the first time since I was a child I am so happy I got the chace to talk to them. I never thought I would find a woman who could love, the fat Baka that I am but it happend not once but twice I made a Vow to never make the same mistakes that ended my last romance and devote all that I am to her happiness and that of my friends.


Black_Thorn
Community Member
Black_Thorn
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