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You know what?
Men suck. wahmbulance
I don't understand why I put myself out on the line, only to have m heart ripped and stomped to pieces.. again and again.
even if i think I've found the right guy and he says he loves me... s**t just hits the fan over and over....
I cant remember the last time i felt good about myself.. like you know that kinda.. im-so-pretty/happy/awesome kinda good. Its like almost every man out there has it written in his coding to break the hearts of sensitive, emotional girls. Im sick of it. dramallama
I just wish, for one [********] guy who wont rip my heart to pieces, stomp on them, and then light the pieces on fire with a blow torch and a can of lighterfluid.
/ emo
 Amarantha Awai · Thu Feb 19, 2009 @ 10:00am · 0 Comments |
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Hey look! another avi quest! |
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I am from
I am from the bird feathers, strewn across the floor...
I am from the swinging fists and the slamming doors...
I am from the big blue spruce, looming once before...
In the peaceful garden of my youth that is no more...
I am from those houses in a state of disrepair...
I am from the schools now left with such a mournfull air...
I am from my sister, who taught me life is hard...
I am from my mother, who sings just like a bard...
I am from "I Hate You" and "I'm Sorry" and "I Know"...
I am from "I'm Sorry But I Really Have To Go"...
I am from the chili and the soup in pots and pans...
I am from the happy familys having dinner holding hands...
I am from a memory box in a closet in a room...
Sealed up tightly, never to be opened like a tomb.
Amarantha Awai · Wed Oct 04, 2006 @ 05:05am · 2 Comments |
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So. I'm cleaning my room, because theres only a few weeks left before I start college. Im sorting things into boxes, throwing things out. And suddenly I come across a Spiralbound journal from about 5 years ago. I remember keeping this book as my every-so-often Diary. As i flipped through it and read the very sparse and scatterbrained entriesw that resided wthin it, it suddenly hit me: "Who the hell was that person, and who the hell is she now?" I was naieve and narcisistic, I was a pushover, annoying (although i still am very much annoying.), A full blown Hopless Romantic, I was poetic. and all in all, very very child like. All of this was coming from a Sophmore in Highschool. Ill add an excerpt for you. just so you can understand: I Once Journal, Wow, man, I really haven't written to you in a while.... sorry.... Chris and Suzie are officially "Boyfriend and Girlfriend". I had this talk with Suzie in Disneyworld... She said she didnt want me touching Chris, because he and she are thinking of going out. "Not even playfully, even if he starts it." she said. I asked her how long she's liked him, and she said about two months. I told her I've liked him since the beginning of freshman year... AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID??? She said "Yeah. I know It's hard for someone to let someone they've liked for a long time go out with someone else..." As if i'd let her! I like Chris way too much to let him go... so then Today. I sat down near him beacuse his friend was talking about the new Harry Potter Book.(Get this. theory is If you take the fourth book and add the third book to it... that's how big the fifth book is) So... anyways. I'm talking to them about Harry Potter, Because I'm interested, And Chris starts playing with my watch..... like nothing's happened! It's infuriating! I can't believe it! It's like he's forgotten about how i feel about him and Suzie being an item (to some extent) this is why i dont write in her that often...it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.....
Amarantha Awai · Thu Aug 10, 2006 @ 11:05pm · 1 Comments |
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.... tell me.... i need to know .... |
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1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain it.
7. Describe me in 1 word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this in your journal and see what I say about you ?
emo
Amarantha Awai · Thu Jul 06, 2006 @ 08:00am · 4 Comments |
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have you ever felt like nobody ever cared about you? that you were born into this world just to be belittled everyday? this is how i feel right now.... i feel so worthless.... i want to cry, i want to scream and pull my hair out..... but i cant.... i just cant... i dont feel like living anymore....
...
honesty really hurts..... </3 cry
Amarantha Awai · Sun Feb 19, 2006 @ 10:03pm · 1 Comments |
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Inside this fantasy
It seems so real to me
Synthetic ecstasy, when her legs are open
True Love behind a wall
Where men and angels fall
A fading memory, when my mind is frozen
I can see a frozen point in time
Where her figure still awaits
Tongue of fire tracing lips outline
Where frozen breath originates
With one motion of her waiting eyes
She strips everything away
This one moment is intensified
And colors all fade to grey
I am in the only place that i want to be
Though we know that it ends eventually
But it's alright because right now we're frozen
"I want to forget mistakes they've helped me make
It's better to be broken than to break"
Inside this fantasy
It seems so real to me
Synthetic ecstasy, when her legs are open
True Love behind a wall
Where men and angels fall
A fading memory, when my mind is frozen
I can see a frozen point in time
That is easy to retrace
Light and darkness are both intertwined
The elements are in their place with
One motion of her wanting mind
The real world begins to fade
And all the hateful things I have become
Temporarily go away
Inside this fantasy
It seems so real to me
Synthetic ecstasy, when her legs are open
True Love behind a wall
Where men and angels fall
A fading memory, when my mind is frozen
When my mind's frozen:
I'll take you anwhere you want to go
Far from anything that feels like home (lets go)
You are anyone I want to be (it's here and now, and now it's only you and me)
It's never enough (mmm that's true)
I want to stay here (yeah, and I do too)
Breakin' it down(takin' it down)
With smell(smell), touch(touch, taste(taste), sight(sight), and sound(sound)
How long will I be here without you near because I'm so cold
Break them first or I'll get broken is not what I was told, now I'm so cold
I'm so cold
So cold
Inside this fantasy
It seems so real to me
Synthetic ecstasy, when her legs are open
True Love behind a wall
Where men and angels fall
A fading memory, when my mind is frozen
Inside this fantasy
It seems so real to me
Synthetic ecstasy, when her legs are open
True Love behind a wall
Where men and angels fall
A fading memory, when my mind is frozen
<----->
uhh.. so... yeah... i havent journaled in a while... so yeah...
i think i shall draw a picture about this song
Amarantha Awai · Wed Aug 24, 2005 @ 04:54am · 1 Comments |
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