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So... Liked Ride on Shooing Star by The Pillows, the song's the endfor FURI KURI.

Then I go into their music and WHY CAN'T I SPEAK JAPANESE.

The school where i used to live had a course for Japanese, but where i live now? NO.

Why?

GRR!

The PE program here is lame,t oo... Old school, you chose what you did for two weeks (Basketball, archery, fencing...) but here, the PE teachers are snobs.

AUGH!?

YES!

Made us run the mile all year... Pfft... I walked... We had a protest.

Good times, good times...

Eh...

Looking forward to school... What, am I some loser nerd for wanting to go t o school? Why yes, because.... Being home for so long is...

I'll go nuts.

I'll end up tripping over something and hurting myself...

Nyah...

Bleh...
Whatever...

The only icecream lef at my house is some... Funky flavor with 'American Idol' on the hing, which kind of.. Wards me away... Away!

Ma made me try on DRESSES yesterday. One was decent, but the second... OMGOODNESS. It's not the kind of dress a parent migh want a kid running around in... I showed o stuff, and only had srings at the back until... Maybe the small of my back... I felt..
Exposed.

OH THE HORROR

First, right o the bat, do you consider me bad? Not good? Do my.. BAd qualities outweigh the good, if any? Or do you think of me as an honest, good person?

Ugh.

It's just, my boyfriend hasn't been around lately. Is that wrong of me to say? I guess it is wrong, since.. He's never really been around. I am currently in an online relationship with a boy three years older than me. he lives on the other side of the country, I've never really.. Met him.

I know this is dangerous. But I trust him.

If he were really a stalker, he would stalk someone closer. He would pose as someone older, so we didn't have to wait to meet. He's a junior in highschool, and he's gonna try to go to college near me.

Anyways.

I feel I'm a bad person. I've always had terrible memory, and my boyfriend hasn't been about in... Several days, since maybe the end of last week or so? it feels like an eternity!

I... I've never dealt with love before, but I have such a deep feeling for this guy (Dangit John, if you teas me about this I'll change my mind about you!!). I have heard oh-so many descriptions of love. I am a hopeless romantic, after all.

I feel like... Whenever I htink abou him, I cry. Ohmigosh. I have always been so fragile, so easy to brea despite how I act out compared to the social norm of people my age. I cry when I think about my boyfriend, who I am so sure I love. I cry because.. He means so much to me, and I just feel an overwhelmingly bad feeling when I realize how hard it will be to see each other. He is.. I don't meant o brag, but I just see so much.. Good in him. He is so modest, he doesn't see it, but he is a very good person. I'm am just so afraid he... The people around him hurt him too much. I am always wishing i could comfort him for real, when he comes to me at the end of the day. It pains me when I have to remind him I am, for now, just a girl on the internet. I try to be as.. Even as possible. He reminds me a little of Shinji Ikari at times, I don't want to bruise him the way Asuka seems to... I always tell him to mvoe when he's ready. I tell him I won't change him. I tell him I am really just a girl on the internet, I could be a withered old lady or a litte 7 year old for all he knows... I want to be careful.


Anyways. All of that was just to show how much I care for this mystery boy. He's cool.


But I haven't talked to him, and it kind of hurts.


Is that... Bad? I just feel so clingy when I think of typing a message to him, for him to read when he gets back (Yahoo Messenger). I feel like.. I'm being a fangril, or something! I feel I shouldn't think of someone too much. I always considered love as a bond the mind creates, love ties people together and effects them the way sadness does. How a parent cares for a child (most of the time, these days have been getting very bad).

And then when I think that, when I decide not to risk so much on a single person, I feel... Bad. Not loyal. Of course I should trust him! I should trust him! he trusts me! Does he trust me? I hope he does, I think he does!

I am just too indecisive. I feel like a bad person. I just want to see him, to smother him with girlish affection and tell him I'm sorr for how untrusting I've been.


*sigh*
Thi is what happens to me whenever I read a stupid mushy fanfic! Argh!

UGH! I HATE my Science teacher!

She just makes everything so damn BORING! She repeats things over and over! OVER AND OVER!

She says on the test tommorrow, she only expects us to know about the protons and electrons of an atom, stuff like reading a periodic table and whatnot.

DUH. If we know THAT, we know neutrons, because whenever we do electrons and protrons, she makes us do neutrons! Don't be stupid!

When we were doing force, she kept talking and talking about erminal velocity, as if it were a super mind busting concept.


GRRR! I hate it! At my school, there's only one level for Science and Social Studies, so everyone, smart and not, are lopped into one class.

And same for social studies! The teachers sounds like he doesn't want to be here, and I really, REALLY can't blame him.

It's really, really frustration because you're only as strong as the weakest person when in a team. So if the teacher teaches faster, at my pace, then a few kids will get left behind! So they have to teach slow, over and over, and it leaves kids like me and Jake and Brandon and those kids all bored, bored bored.


AUGH!

But not.. Phisically, like most girls. I actually think I'm a bit too skinny, but that's not what this is about!


Well... I hate to admit it, but I'm a bit of a hypocrit, or however you spell it! I always comfort my friends and tell them to be optimistic, but when it comes down to ME, I tend to mope over things.


Another thing. I keep... Hurting myself. Not Phisically, though. I just... I can't hold a grudge! I can't. I just.. I'll get in a fight with my mom, but by dinner time I'm smiling and hugging her like nothing happened! Well, when someone at school is a jerk to me, I try and try to stay angry so I'll avoid this person, but I.. I can't. So when I'm friendly again, they put me down again and my hopes of a friendship are crushed!


I think I've too much... Epathy. I mean, it's okay to cry when you read, right? It's okay to cry when you watch a movie, right? Is it okay to cry when you think about people at school? Is it okay to cry when you do something bad? Is it okay to cry when someone else gets in trouble, when someone blames you?

Is it okay to be happy when your enemy smiles?

Augh!



The only phisical thing I hate about myself is probably my dimples... I hear they're a good thing, but they're high on my cheekbones! So when I smile widely, people can see my dimples and I look kind of squinty! ARGH!





Oh, and I hate to admit it, but there's another phisical thing I dislike about myself. I'd... ather not say it, but. If you know...

Are reductions painful? Are they expensive? If I keep growing at this rate I'll never be able to sit up straight! O.o

I fell deeply in love somone. Deeply.

he... He's just so sweet, and he can be nice, and something about him makes me want to glomp him and hold on tight.

But...

Sometimes, more often than when he's nice, he can be a real jerk. I feel like I give and give but never get, and sometimes with I'm with him, I still manage to feel lonely and needy.

What should I do?

And... Now that I told him about our relationship's problems, he's gotten very sweet and caring, telling me I'm his top priority and claiming he's written me a poem.

On the other hand, I can't help but grow an affection to another man. This second one is older than me, but he's so much nicer and a lot more often. He listens to my needs, he comforts me, he makes sacrifices for me.

But he's easily depressed and is somewhat redundant and boring, almost.



What the ******** should I do?! I'm caught inbetween a nice but depressed older guy, and a badass guy that's closer to my age but isn't always as sweet.

I don't know what I want. I don't want to be alone. That's all. I want someone to be there when I'm upset, to make me feel wanted, and loved, and appreciated, and... Important.

Both of them do, really... But...

<///3

ARGH

THAT TIME OF MONTH IS COMMING
IM NOT HAPPY

AT ALL



AT ALL

I REALLY HATE BEING A GIRL SOMETIMES.
I MEAN, PERIODS MAN, PERIODS. ICK. ICK. ICK.


I HAVE NASTY CRAMPS.
AND I'M BLEEDING.
A VERY PAINFUL WEEK.


AND WE'RE MOVING! I CAN'T BELIEVE. WHY???

ARGH. ARE LITTLE BABIES WORTH IT? I DON'T KNOW.

YES, I AM AWARE I TYPED IN CAPS LOCK. IT'S CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. THAT'S WHY.

They underestimate me waaaay too much. Seriously. They question my judgement and don't take my opinions into account whenever there's a fight between me and someone or my brother and someone. Well, actually, that take it as talking back when I put it in as advice.

So. Psh. Hate them for that. Sure, I came to be because of them, but still.

So there's my really chunky journal entry. If you don't know what I mean, oh well.
Too lazy and mad right now.
/:<

Similar in some ways, but all me.
Very accurate.
UH-HUH.