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Lost in this confusion
caught up in the illusion
of having something that will never be

crippled by imagination
never reaching the destination
staying where, alone, she cannot see

screaming as the mirror shatters
searching for someone who matters
to sweep her off of her unfaithful feet

***

when will this end?
when can I start to live again?
the cold is begginning overwhelm me
soon it will thicken, I can see

why must I continue on?
when will this be set and done
their words are painful, don't they see
how much their words are hurting me?

I want to run, I want to hide
but how can I leave his helpless side?
so I will stay, and hopefully
one day he'll come to understand me.

***

sometimes I will retreat
to my hard protected shell
alone in my solitude
my world of parallel

sometimes I will be distant
for fear of how it will end
what is this dark shadow
lurking around the bend?

sometimes I get confused
about my feelings, trust, youth
but life is too short to live in fear
of what might be the truth

I'm trying hard to break away
to give it all;my heart, my trust
but it can be hard for me sometimes
with a past so full of betrayel and lust

I with I could tell you how I feel
and how I'm breaking away
because the love I'm beginning to feel for you
grows with each passing day.

-Ava

Now, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
and you don't care about me...

and I know it's just no use
When all your lies become your truths
and I dont care, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
and tell me that your'e happy now?
Would you tell it to my face?
Or have I been erased?
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take
and Left me with an empty plate
and You don't care about it

and I Am giving up this game
and Leavin' you with all the blame
cause I don't care...


Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now?
would you tell it to my face, or have I been erased?
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
yeah yeah, yeah

Did it really have everything you're worth?
You can't always give something you ain't got
You can't runaway from yourself...

Could you look me in the eyes
and tell me that youre happy now...

C'mon tell it to my face
Or have I been erased?
Are you happy now?

I've had all that I can take
I'm not about to break
Are you happy now?

Are you happy now?


~as sung by Michelle Branch

-Ava

*ish a much needed update*

June 15, 2005

okay, so maybe those proejcts weren't as hard as I thought they were going to be. I finished them all and after tomorrow I am officially done with my finals! there's no point in me even going to school on Friday because we aren't going to any of our classes. god, I don't think I've been this excited to finally be out of school in... forever! not that this summer will be as much fun as I was hoping it would be. With Danny going to Canada and taking a 3 week dance class and me going to the east coast, I'm not gonna see him as much as I was looking forward to. but anyway, I'm done I'm done I'm done!!!!

-Ava

June 10, 2005

6 more school days until Summer. It doesn't feel like it though. You know why? Because I have so many projects that I have to do that it's as if it's the middle of the year again. and I can't get out of them because it's the end of the year and they're my last grade. god teachers, it's almost summer, the students don't want to work and we know very well that you don't want to grade. Give us a ******** break, we've been in school all year!!

-Ava

June 7, 2005

I never thought it would happen. I never actually took Nancy seriously when she said she would shut the theatre down, and now look. It's closing on the 15 of July. DramaDance and A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum will be the last shows ever done there. I'm half in shock, half wishing for a miracle, half (yes I have three halves) hating everyone in Yelm and Roy who never supported the theatre. THe only reason I come all the way from Tacoma to Yelm for the theatre is because there's nowhere as good anywhere around here. there really isn't. It's such a shame that The Drew be completelly gone in a little over a month. What am I gonna do with myself? and I have so many friends there that I will never see again. ever. The only reason I'll have to come to Yelm would be to maybe meet up with Mistaya, or Suzuka. my dad wouldn't take me there other than that. *shakes head* everything's falling apart...

-Ava

May 6, 2005

This is a song I listened to for the first time this morning. It's on the Billy Joel CD I got from the library and I like the lyrics so much that I wanted to post them in here.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows


-Ava