Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Subscribe to this Journal
Turkish Leprechaun's Journal
Some stuff I wrote.
Alone Amongst the Vast Internet Abyss


Lost in stupidity of Self Bliss
    I am but a hopeless entity that roams through the woods that no one but I can see. In these I see many things including illusions that delude me from the truth and cause me to see what my eyes do not see but what I imagine and I follow these delusions for eternity until someone stops me. I at times do not realize my mistakes until it comes back and hurts me. These mistakes never heal and never go away only to remain to remind me, haunt me, and taunt me. If only I could reach the end of this forest to find help from these mindless dreams which cause me pain and suffering and blind me from the truth. The truth that I at times refuse to believe because of my own self awareness of of the truth that I don't like and never will. Why must the truth be so blunt and painful?

-Attila


Manifesto of the Exiled
      To most the question is as simple as should I stay or should I go? If I shall stay who will know me? Who will hang out with me? Who will care for me? Who shall recognize my existence? Or if I go who will miss me? Who will wish I stayed? With that simple question one can easily find the answer that quickly with the realization of ?I DON'T HAVE that MANY FRIENDS!? The person can easily leave.
      To take a firearm and aim it at you own head is easy! Pulling the trigger is hard. It feels like the trigger is welded in place and your trying to break the weld. Overdose I'd say is the easiest. Just grab a glass of water and as many pills as you can. The bad part about overdose is sometimes the body itself induces vomiting and there's no way of stopping it! Hanging is also easy, but if your light it doesn't work you end up dangling for a long time and eventually lose consciousness but you don't die! Deadly gases can also kill one (Bleach & Ammonia) or it can really ******** YOU UP (You have a bit of a harder time doing sports after words)!!
      You can also stay and blame all your problems on yourself, you stop caring and become an outcast, a goth, a punk, or something along those lines. You start wearing black, you die your hair black, paint your nails black and eventually you start cutting your self ? self-mutilation. You also start a bad habit ? smoking, drugs, drinking, either one, some, or all of them.
      For those of us who are hated, disliked, and unwanted we change. We become anti-social, depressed, and we lose our self-esteem. You begin to hate yourself, wishing you can change every bad action, correct yourself, re-write your wrongs. But we can't so we say at the worst wrong ?I should leave?. I can't get punished anymore then. I can't hurt myself anymore. No one shall dislike me or begrudge me anymore for I shall no longer exist. I am but a small entity of a large mass that so few know of my living that my passing will leave this great existence undisturbed.
      At times I wish I do not want to be here. I no longer desire to live. I fear messing up. I fear losing friends and making enemies. I punish myself for my own mistakes I wish I never committed but continue to make. I wish my imperfection would not cause me great pains to the point were living in eternal agony no longer suffices. I wish I were not alive and was never born.

-Attila


Turkish Leprechaun
Community Member
Turkish Leprechaun
« Prev Set | Next Set »
Archive | Home

  • Entries to 1



  •  
     
    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Offers
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games
    Mini-Games
    Play with GCash
    Play with Platinum