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So I copied and pasted that last entry to him. He said he didn't know what to say, besides the fact that it is special to him. Then he also told me there was no guarantee that our relationship - if we had one - would last forever. That would be enough to send me into a fit of tears, if I wasn't so happy that I had finally received my answer to the thing that made me cry so much.
Last night I didn't cry for once, and today I actually laughed and meant it.
But I'm still a loser, for being so overly dramatic about this. Crying at night, being depressed at the slightest word he says... I'm turning out to be like the very girls I looked down on. I used to - and still do - think that crushes were for losers, and now I'm just one of them.
Hooray.

I keep crying at night, for no reason. And then once I've stopped, I think, and then I start all over again.
Because even though he's tried to make me feel better, by telling me that I won't be the same as the others, it still feels very much so.
I don't think it's as special to him as it is to me.
I've been so depressed over the last while; I don't talk to anybody as much, I rarely smile or laugh and mean it. And at night, I blast my iPod in my ears to stop myself from thinking but once the music stops the tears start, and then I'm awake for the next thirty minutes crying; the kind that's so painful you curl up into a ball, and every part of you aches. I'm too intense about this, though. He doesn't cry, he doesn't think about me as much as I do him. I'm such a dork.
I had a nosebleed in school yesterday; I called my mum's work and she came and got me, then left me at home with a roll of toilet paper and a phone to somehow prevent another one from happening. It didn't happen again though, for which I'm grateful.

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