Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

idk lifes just so confusinf lately. there ha ve been so many suicides of people i kno or my friedns were close to. . . and its really sad, and my frien he was joking around with me i had a depressing song lyric up and he said i was slitting my writs again but im not and i dont plan on it, and he said i was suicidal and wit the recent events he had the nerve and that made me really depressed, he doesnt know the eternnal and internal pain i live with, the pain of knowing that i was once a cutter, once a cutter always a cutter, and the fact the scars make me want to do it more to fix my problems, that my friends aer depressed maniacs and im destined to join them, that i need to remind myself constantly not to over drink, or over smoke if i do because i will do something bad and end up in the hospital, the fear that my friend is going to rehab again, the fear my friend has a knife under her bed. . . . .that i gave her. . . . . that someday its all going to catch up to me and its scary. . .[/

first entry, and this reminds me so much of my xanga, i could puke *my blog*

mhhhh ill write in that more than this, but i think this is pretty cool, because now only a slect group can see this, gaia, but my webiste anyone can see. . .

i have colorgaurd this morning from 11-2, blah i sooooo dont want to go, but the evil thing *our coach* wont be there yay! biggrin