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lost in the woods near my house, I desperate tried to remember the survival technics from my old issue of "Mad" magazine. Unfortunatley, all I could remember was the "Spy vs. Spy" comic.... oh white spy... you sure showed black spy that time..... anyway, not remembering any survival tips, i decided to make some up. I mean, survival tips had to start somewhere.
the first tip i thought for myself to do was look for delicous mushrooms. after finding some I filled my belly as fast as I could. Now I am not sure if the mushrooms where bad, or if it was the speed at which i ate, because appearently mastacating is important for humans, but i was quickly on all fours expelling the mushroom through the hole the entered my stomach from.
so my modified survival tip 1 is now "Dont eat delicious looking mushrooms.
still hungry i looked around and saw it... a deer, grazing.
"THAT'S IT" i thought to myself. if a deer can eat grass so can I. I quickly ripped some grass from the ground and began to feast. the grass tasted horrible, but i continued to eat. i ate and ate, and after filling myself with grass, I still felt weak from hunger. i figured the grass wasnt low in nutriotional value that i needed, and then i remembered something that would help. meat... more specifically, deer meat, but alass the deer had already fled.
so my modified survival tip 2 is now"deers can eat grass, but i cant because appearently we are different.
at this point i was now getting blurry eyed and dizzy, i had to suck it up and go to macdonalds. the home of my arch rival. i ate their "food" and quickly left before the grimace could find me since i was not fit for battle. and headed home only to get lost ing the woods again.... "OH CRUEL FATE!!!"
so my 3rd and final survival tip is "when everything else has failed try macdonalds"
 pen_kun · Sat Mar 17, 2007 @ 05:57am · 0 Comments |
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As i wandered around gaia i lost track of the day..... when is it who knows... and frankly, who cares.
Today i found myself on the isle day gambino. I looked around the market place, but was chased out due to something i said....... and the odor i gave off sweatdrop . As i ran out i noticed a casino. 'how long has this been here i thought. i entered and purchased a lot of tokens because.... well i love to gamble!.... as i looked around all i could find was slot machines. *sigh* i thought to myself. slot machines are such a dull form of gambling.... wheres the poker, wheres the blackjack? be that as it may, i played the slots none the less. after pooring out my lifes savings into these machines i decided to call it a day. i walked over to the prize room and found i was nowhere near the amount of tickets for the prize i wanted. i angerly stormed back to the machine i was playing at, and with all my rage i picked it up. "steal all my money will you!" i shouted. then hurled the machine to my right. unfortunately there was a person to my right, and i crushed him. all the people around me chased my out of the casino. "this seems familiar" i thought to myself. as i exited the casino, there, with angry looks, were all the merchants that chased me out of the market. with an angry mob infront of me, and an angrier mob behind me i ran to my left. i looped around the market place and fled the isle.
i got home and decided that i should stay away from there for a while, and bathe more frequently xp . anyway.... the moral of the story is don't trust whitey. see you all next time on the happy fun time with morals and values show... or not. xp
pen_kun · Fri Jul 08, 2005 @ 06:27am · 1 Comments |
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i set out for today and i realized that i still had some fish. i realized that i need some money so i thought ot myself i should sell them, so i headed out to the marketplace.
when i arrived i realized that i had no buisness sense. so i just threw the fish out onto the market and let ppl pay as they please. it reminded me of the last buisness i ran into the ground.
i finished up there and headed to the lake. i cast out my reel and waited patiently. hours later with no fish caught i realized that, not only where the fish stronger than me but smarter to.
this depressed me deeply so i went in search for the one thing that could lift my spirit : booze. i didnt feel like going to a bar lookinh so depressed. so i decided to set up my own moonshine stillary(mistake #1).
I gathered up so necassary parts and ingrediants for my moonshine. i put it together and added the ingrediants. now is the time i should say that i dont know how to build a stillary, or how to brew any sort of liquir.
I somehow ended up with a beverage. it looked to ok so i drank it(mistake #2). my eyes imediately started to water and my throught was as dry as a bone. I callapsed with foam coming out of my mouth.
I awoke in a daze several hours later, and I guess you can say it has been a good experience. dont make your own moonshine.... it sucks. xp
pen_kun · Sat Feb 12, 2005 @ 09:39pm · 2 Comments |
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As I stumbled out of the house with my hang over that morning, i realized i had depleted a lot of my funds that night. 'I must venture for more money today!' I proclamed. Then I lost my balance and fell over into a near by trash can.
'ok... this is no good' i thought.'i should prolly go home and rest some more.'
as i started home, swaying back and forth while holding my head, i ran into him........ the one, the only, grimmas. my arch foe. "FRIEND OF THE MACDONALD CLOWN!" i shouted. "TODAY IS YOUR LAST!".
I lunged forward at him, thinking 'if only i had a giant caligraphy brush, this would be even easier,'.... well at least what i thought was forward.I missed him and fell into some more trash can. 'man... there are days, and then there are days.' sweatdrop
after a while i freed myself from the waste bin. I looked around to see that my apponant had fled. he escaped... for today, but i vow i will end his retched life.
I then proceed home. scurrying every which way. when at last reach my domicile, I collapsed by the front door. xp
I awoke hours later to find that I had recovered from my drinking the night before, but seeing as i am finally home... i think i will stay in for tonight, but tomorrow holds another adventure. wink
pen_kun · Fri Feb 11, 2005 @ 09:02am · 0 Comments |
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this journal is a little late for a certain reason.
so the other day i bump into a friend of mine. as i look at him, i realize just how rich eh is, and simultaniously... how poor i am. we chat for a while and then he offers me more money than i could imagine at the time.
i thank him for his kind offer and set out for a new set of clothes.
now is where it all happens. as usual, when i have money i like to get a drink, and with more money i get more drinks......... and that was only a slight problem, for on my way to a clothes shop i must have stopped by at least 17 different bars, taverns, and pubs.
Now i dont remember much of what happened about half way to the store, but i think there was someting involving a yeti, a sled, and a giant banana.
I am not sure how all these items relate, but i am sure it was an entertaining time. whee
the next morning i awoke in some new clothes, 'not bad' ithough. i have the ability to buy clothes while i am plastered. as i looked at my attire i realized that i would love to have a giant caligraphy brush.... man oh man would that be sweet.
but being a new day, i set out for my next adventure...... hang over and all. xp
pen_kun · Fri Feb 11, 2005 @ 08:50am · 0 Comments |
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to day ventured to the bank. it was a tough journey full of naps on street corners, and snacks.
when i arrived, what did i find but an attractive banker. I purchsed my trading liscence, and I tried to 'woo' her, but like every other girl on this planet she rejected me with a hard slap to the face.
I staggered out of the bank with a red swollen cheek. 'all the better i thought to myself.' I mean i spent so long with getting my pants on, i shouldnt be so quick to try and remove them xp .
I wandered around confused for hours, and somehow stumbled into the artarena. I felt like i didnt belong there, so i quickly hurled nearby pencils at random foes as i fled the scene.
Feeling like i had done enough for one day i started back home, when it dawned on me. as i stared at the moldy old boot on the ground that was covered in dirt and bugs. i thought to myself... 'I gotta get something to eat!'
I looked around and came across this tavern. i entered and immediately noticed the pool table in the back. food can wait. time for some 9-ball 3nodding
It seemed like a strange place. people super glueing other people in random places, and to random places. seems very interesting here. i must return if i am ever in the neighborhood again.
I then set out for home once again when i noticed a man sellin fishing poles. i quickly ran and bought one, then set out for the nearest lake. i realed a lot of guppies, a bass, a tire, a boot, and an old can.
At last, i thought, with these items i can build a dark empire and sacrifice the peons for my own amusement. then it happened. i sat on the hook. i only hope i will one day be able to remove, but as for now i must leave for less enertaining events.
pen_kun · Thu Feb 10, 2005 @ 03:27am · 1 Comments |
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Ahhh.... i am in my underwear! ooh some rags, better put them on.
*hours later*
ok now that my shirts on, time for the pants.............. how do these things work?
*after numerous trys and wrong placements, the pants are finally on*
ha i doubted myself there for a second, but 'mommy... i am a big boy now'!
now i must be off for my next adventure
pen_kun · Wed Feb 09, 2005 @ 03:55pm · 1 Comments |
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