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Flash version of The Silmarillion

There was Iluvatar guy, who made a lot of singing bitches. They all were on LSD so they made a song about peace and love while the fans watched. One of the fans was pissed and started to ruin the song, so he got B& and then the world begun.
After that everyone was happy and chillin, making flowers and being hippies and all that shiz, but this guy Melkor was still pissed and tried to mess up with the happy Valar guys, so he sent armies and raped the s**t out off the newly made world

So, the hippie Valar went mad and whacked his a** out of Arda, so he ran into the north and made his pimphole in Angband. Then Almighty Eru then decided that s**t was getting boring and made elves and sent them to the world but eveyone was too drunk to do anything. After that they woke up and holla at The valar, so everyone was uber happy till ******** Melkor changed his name to Morgoth and s**t came tumbling down. So now he was molesting the elves, and orcs were born. Once again everyone fought him, and there was an even fight this time til Morgoth called for team back and got a handjob from Sauron and his bitches. Everything was alright for over 9000 years and then the humans came, so the elves were happy to have more slaves.

Then, Morgoth woke up from his last hungover and started to bash everything again. So elves, and dwarves and men made huge orgies and formed an army to fight Morgoth, but Morgoth also used dark jedi tricks on humans and brainwashed them, so they would fight each other.

Again, many times they fought, till Morgoth fled to unleash the dragons and his balrogh bitches upon the world. But then they united again and beat the s**t out of Morgoth's army while he played rummikub in Angband.

so, after many lulz ensued, and everyone was BAAAAAWWWing because of the dead ones, nothing really important happened, just a buch of sissy stories to get into hot elves pants, cuz men now like they women pointy eared.

So, interracial hardcore sex spread across the land, and everyone was happy, until that ******** Morgoth came to say Hi and ******** up everything again

So, this time he was winning hard. And some Eärendil guy packed his s**t and GFTO of Middle earth with his gf Elwing and they arrived to The Valar residence on ******** Island in the West, and they told them about Morgoth and sodomy they were exposed to. They smoked some joints and told Jokes. Everyone Lol'd. But then they sent they armies to /b/lack up the good guys in Arda.

Then, After lotsa Major PWNING, They tied Morgoth and he was condemned to gay bondage raping in the outer circles of tiem and space. After getting him permab&'d everyone lol'd and went back to their massive orgies

But some men and the sons of Earendil were put in an isle in the middle of ******** nowhere and they built a big Kingdom for over 9000 years. But before that Elrond say " Hai guise, I guess i'm gay" So he became an Elf and got awsum buttsecks every often.

Then, Middle earth was all silent, but when Sauron stopped fapping he Missed Morgoth so he started to go apeshit insane all over the world and ******** up everything just for teh lulz. Everyone tried to b& him too, but they couldn't because he was hidden behind 9 proxies, so He lol'd hard and continued to be an a*****e until he realized he was friends with Numenor.

so he called Ar-Pharazon (lol, gay name) and they hung out and tried to be cool and all, but they didn't.
so Ar-Pharazon tried to be hardcore, but Sauron wouldn't let him, and they tried to go to valinor. Buut I guss they posted sum CP cuz they got permab& and all of Numenor farted at unison and sunk into the sea. s**t WAS SO CASH

Only Amandil was gay enough to runn away with his children and to fund and raise an amusement park galled Gondor, later a pleasurehouse.

Also, Arnor, but I dunno what happened there.
So, Sauron changed his Ip and went back to it and started trolling everyone. Trolls were pretty common back then. So Elendil and his son Isildur thought the could be Mods and tried to b& sauron, but Elendil got Pwnd and when isildur RAGE'd he ******** s**t up and Sauron got scared and went to live with his uncle and aunt in Bel-Air.

He left his c**k ring and Isildur wore it because he was a gigantic f*****t with a small d**k complex and lived for over another millenia, then everything was boring and hobbits danced naked in the moonlight. Until Bilbo Baggins mistook that cavern for a bar and got some shitty ring and everything went to the shitter. Then we all know the story


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