Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I feel sick to my stomach, I'm depressed due to some family and friend issues and I miss my friends and my mom. you can say this is me having a tantrum of having too much on my plate. Having too many decisions and being pushed into adult hood too quickly. I hate to be upset so I usually paste a smile on and hide my anguish behind soft words or a sense of humor to support others. To prove that I'm strong and have a back bone and willing to go forward even if life hits me with a curve ball. But I slowly see my world crumbling before me as I try my best to glue it back into place. I don't tell people my feelings much because it's new to them. its a me they havent witnessed before. Something they take as hostile or shocking...I hate that feeling. When I'm neutral or distant people look at me like I'm an alian from an other planet they ask me what happened to my smile or why am I so silent what happened to happy go lucky me. I don't want attention I just want to be able to feel that way when I need to. The smile will come back the happy go lucky me isn't going anywhere. Everyone needs their time to heal. Even the happiest of us shed tears even clowns cry but they soon smile again healed and renewed.