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Have you ever had one of those days were u just wanna cry? crying You don't really know why but u just feel like u need to. Well today is just one of those days. Nothing really went wrong. It was actually a quite good day. I'm getting my hw done at a faster pase than I was expecting and I ushered for Betrayal which was a good play but... different. It was like someone hit the rewind button because it started in the now time (which for the play was 1977) and just kept going backwards in years but it was good none the less. But for some reason I just don't feel happy. I have this knot in my stomach that wont go away, my heart feels heavy and my head feels light like a balloon. I can't explain why. I think it's just a combination of being stressed with all the school work, missing my family, friends and boyfriend, and wanting summer to come sooner. question ....well... I guess I better get back to my hw. *sighs*

My auditions went pretty good I think. I had a few rough spots in my sight reading and I can't play piano but my singing was amazing. I feel confident. I really hope I made it in this time. It was nice to see some familiar faces there too. Two girls that I used to do prairie fire theatre with were here also auditioning. I wish them luck. So now I just sit and wait for Mom to come get me and take me home.

How can something you think is beautiful and wonderful suddenly turn uncomfortable and awkward? I don't know how to feel or what to think. Someone who I thought cared enough for me to just understand y I don't want 2 do some things is totally going against what I have always believed. I even feel a little betrayed from this and the fact that 1 of 2 of my best guy friends also disagrees with what I want. I dunno what to do or who to go to. There are only 5 ppl in this world I'd feel comfortable talking 2 about most anything, 2 girls & 3 guys. Out of the 2 girls, one's too childish to understand and would prolly freak our and the other is too eratic and came to one conclusion that I don't even wanna think about, my mind and sould would be tourchered for a LONG time. Then the guys *rolls eyes* 2 are the 2 I've already mentioned that disagree with me and the 3rd I think would feel very uncomfortable with the subject considering he's my ex. I really think he's my main option for help though. He always knows exactly what to say and the way he says things always touches me so close to the heart, I hate when we get into arguments or disagree cuz that just hurts. I think I'll warn him 1st and if he chooses to talk to me he can. I dunno what else to do, if I don't talk I'll be a walking mess of confusion and ?s and considering I'm the one most ppl come to talk to, if I'm in a fuzzle all those around me break and are lost. Plus I know this will all interfear with my studies. Things like this consume my mind and I can't think straight and with the end of the quarter coming I don't want anything to even come close to hurting my good grades. Even though that's a stupid thing to bring up right now since it's not at all what is troubling me. I prolly don't even make sense to ppl but I needed to write. I needed to be able to do something to ease my mind even in the smallest way. *sighs* sad question