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I'm posting this journal as a record to Gaia that the transfers I'm about to make are from me, the true user, to my new account, since the stupid user who stole my account changed my username and I can no longer change it back.

I would delete the account, but I want to keep it open so Gaia can investigate if they read my PM. This journal is a record that the last trade to be recorded on this account is done by me, not the thief, to my new account: Umari Solanthus. I did list the account on my hacking report, but better to be safe than sorry. I'll also list the items I'm trading, just so they know.

Snowboard Jacket Red
Red Tiger Pants
Snowboard Pants Red
Black Gloves
Snowboard Gloves Red
Black SKi Hat
Black Goth Boots

So this trade IS legitimate, to my other account.

*bows* I know I was stupid Gaia, but please be kind. I don't think I was the first to fall for this. If you can catch this user, maybe by their IP address, it would stop them? I would like my rare items back, but I know that's probably impossible. My phoenix headband and whip of fire are gone for good...

You know those announcements you get when you said private messages saying don't give out your password to anyone?

I think it needs to be bigger. I didn't even notice it.

I was just tricked into giving someone, who claimed to be from the security admin, my password. They hacked my account, changed my username, and stole all my gold and rare items. I contacted Gaia, but they haven't done anything yet.

I'm not likely to get them back any time soon......... my own fault really, but yeesh.

After some subtle prompting, I've logged back into Gaia. Wow, it's been over 3 years since I last logged in here.

Weird. @_@

This entry is for the purpose of letting off some steam, since I'm not in the right environment to crawl into bed, grab my plushies and wallow in tears and depression for a couple of hours. So I am letting out my anger through the journal instead.

Why is it that parents will never react the way you expect them to? If you've had a bad day or something bad happened to you that day, you'd like a little bit of sympathy, wouldn't you? You don't expect to be mothered to death, wrapped up in a blanket and sympathised all night, but a little question of 'Are you all right?' would at least be nice, just to show you're concerned.

That's what I expected my dad to ask me today.

But he didn't ask. He simply acted as if what happened was entirely my own fault...

crying

You see, today, while I was in town, me and my friend ShadowYami had some trouble. We were sat outside HMV, waiting for our friend Rob to come. We were talking amongst ourselves, when this girl randomly walks past and makes some snarky comments about SY wearing a trenchcoat. SY just gave her a glare and ignored her.

This girl then walked over and demanded to know what the glare was for. SY ignored. The girl demanded to know what she was glaring for. SY is normally a fighting person, but instead she just got up and walked away. The girl wasn't worth the trouble, so she walked off towards HMV. The girl started yelling at her, saying 'What're you walking away for, you freak!' Then she started going after her.

I was worried she was going to grab SY and punch her. I'm not the violent type at all. I run from fights and people like that. But I wasn't going to have her hurt my friend, which was what I feared she would do. So I got up, walked calmly past the girl and stuck my arm out in front of her, preventing her from going further. The girl then turned on me, yelled at me, and then punched me in the face. Then she turned and walked off. I just walked into HMV and told SY what happened.

I'm not bothered about getting punched. It hurt a little at first, but after a couple of minutes I was perfectly fine. It didn't hurt after that. SY was upset I got punched because she walked off, but I didn't care. I was worried the girl would punch SY, because she really seemed like she was going to. I'm just happy that I was able to prove to myself that I would stand in the way if it looked like my friend was going to get hurt.

I told my dad and my step mum this when I got home. My step mum asked me if I was alright, but my dad just seemed to act (to me at least) like it was my fault I got punched. True, it was, but I stepped in cause I wasn't going to risk my friend getting hurt. But he didn't even ask me if I was okay... It was like he didn't even care. Like 'It's your fault you got hurt, so deal with it' kinda thing.

That upset me. I'd at least like to see some concern. Just to see that he cared, just a little, about whether I was all right. I know it was my fault I got hurt because I stepped in, but I'd feel a hundred times worse if I didn't and the girl really did punch SY. Maybe she would have just given her more grief and then walked off, but I couldn't risk that. I don't want to see my friends get hurt...

I doubt many of you will agree with me... Maybe you just think I'm crying for attention. But I'm really upset cause I feel like my dad didn't care about me getting hurt. I would at least like to see some concern about it... Even if it's just one question and not mentioned ever again. I'd like to feel like he cared...

crying

That hurts more than being punched.

Well, now that Autumn is finally setting in and we're getting closer to winter, I figured it'd be time to get myself a new season outfit. So what do you think? Snowboard jacket, pants, gloves, and a nice woolly hat to keep my ears warm. I quite like this new getup - it'll be a while before I get enough money to get anything else.

I really wish I had the Fire Whip... being a fire-based avie and all. Thanks so much to Miyu Goldrona for the Phoenix headband thing. It is so cool. I'm so jealous of your ice and fire whip!!!

--

And, finally, I've begun to order doujinshi's for me to buy. Yes, I've actually gone and ordered some doujinshi. These are the ones I've ordered:

Cross Soul 1 (YugixYami)
Cross Soul 2 (YugixYami)
Cross Soul 3 (YugixYami)
Cross Soul 4 (YugixYami)
Cerulean Blue (YugixKaiba)
Kai no Aoita (or something like that, it's a YugixYami)
Sin of the Twilight (SethxAtem/YamixKaiba)

Mweh... I never planned this journal to be part of my own depressions, but I suddenly feel the need to burst some steam and watch it evaporate into the distance. Heh... aren't I poetic?

So... what's going on in my life at the moment? I've just been put on a course of anti-depressants which I have to keep secret from my mum, I'm going back to Uni in a few weeks and I hate Uni because I'm training for a job I don't want... I have no main job idea in mind because there is nothing I want to do.

I hate having to keep my anti-depressants secret from my mother. I'm so dependant on my parents it's unbelievable. I can't really do anything without their permission, and I feel like I'm doing wrong taking the anti-depressants in secret, especially since I know my mum doesn't approve. She doesn't think I'm depressed, but she doesn't know me as well as she thinks she does.

As far as I'm concerned, I've been depressed since I was about 12. Why? Cause that was the first time I found myself scratching a pair of scissors against my wrists. Not that I was intending suicide - in my mind I was wondering how long I had to scratch until I bled. But when my school 'friends' (inverted commas because I didn't class many people in high school as a friend) stopped me, I burst into tears. That's when my serious depression started, or at least when the effects of all my school life took effect on me.

Many a night's gone by that I've sat on my bed in tears, rocking back and forth like I was insane, or clawing at the wall bordering my room from my mum's.

I have tried to explain how I feel. But my mum's one of those people who doesn't think someone like me can get depression. But I feel it, and that's what matters.

*sigh*

Hence why I'm on anti-depressants. But I wonder how much help they'll be. How is it possible to truly lift yourself from depression and let go of the memories that hurt? I wish there was an answer. Sometimes I think I'm doomed to feel this way for the rest of my life.

...I'll stop blabbering now before I get into a depressive mood.

YAY! I finally got my copy of DNAngel Vol. 1!!!! WHOOOOOO! *cradles the dvd* Oh joy of joyous days! Now I have my own copy of beloved Dark Mousy. *cradles it and giggles at Dark's last name*

Don't you just hate being ill. I have a cold. crying I can't stand colds...

Anyway, I have a new anime obsession! DNAngel! Everyone shall hail to the supreme hotness that is Dark Mousy! *hails to Dark* I hail to thee, oh-so-hot Phantom Thief!