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Missing Pages
you know when you look through a person's notebok and you see that there are random pages missing? this is what's written on mine...
don't lose this
http://kevan.org/johari?view=Atheryne


selfish me
people must think I'm such a selfish b***h for wanting the love of my life Katie all to myself when she doesn't even love me back and now I've got some one new who I can't have: JR he's so hilarious and he always makes me feel better when I'm around him and yet it always seems as if I'm just 2 inches from making him hate me. I'm crazy, I'm irresponsible, I'm annoying and clingy and fat I just can't seem to ever get things just right, so I wonder why i'm thinking this...why JR doesn't like me back? Why Katie doesn't love me back? I'm not good enough for them. Katie is just the most beautiful, witty caring person I know, and JR, there's no guy sweeter or more interesting then he is. I keep wanting things that are out of my reach. and if I even got a chance to be with either of them I'd probably turn into the bitchiest most selfish jerk ever... I guess then I'll always be just little insane off the wall selfish me.


To Friends
everything is crashing down and I can't help but wonder if you really love me anymore. I think it's happening to me with every one...Katie and Maria and Rose and Sam and Leah and...everyone...they all just seem fed up with me as if I'm just an old toy that they're too bored to play with... It's not like I'm gonna jump off a building like the girl in the pic I sent you did but I can't help but feel like I can't do anything right. I know you can't please every one all of the time but I can't even seem to please anyone any of the time...even my family hates me now...tell me what I did wrong...be honest ...because I can't figure it out...


Dreams
I have strange dreams a lot
once I dreamed that I was standing in my basement with a gun. I pointed it at my throat and fired. I fell back and couldn't breathe and I felt the blood behind my head and then I thought-"I don't want to die..."
just last night I dreamed that I was at work and I was putting an old person down for a nap (I work at a nursing home) and my friend maria runs in and we start giggling about stuff and then I'm at my house and there's a dead person in my living room and my incredibly handsome math teacher pops out of my front yard and hops in the window. then a bunch of other people do too! sometimes my mind scares me.....


Randomization
hmm...what was I going to say?
...
...
...
oh I remember.
...
...
...no I don't.
I lied I'm so goin' to hell.
I hate it when people say things behind my back, I usually don't ccare what people think about me because most everyone thinks I'm wierd and I get used to it but when a friend turns on you and says that you're the stupidest most moronic person in the world and that they don't like you and think that no one else should either. Then you loose all trust in every one...

so I'll say it here and if it offends anyone reading get a life and stop reading peoples online journals: Chelci Rogers, Nick Martello, and Shannon Hall are all the biggest assholes in the universe and quite frankly should be shot in the knee. not because of what they said but because they said it behind my back and proceeded to think nothing of it


hypnosis
so here I am in Minnesota my mom packing the days full of crap that no one cares about making us all get up at 5am and we don't get to sleep till 12 or later...
my dad went and got himself hypnotized
and I thought he was embarrassing enough normally
heres what he did:
gave birth to a baby boy named Jimmy
tried to breast feed said baby
thought he was Garth Brooks and gave "autographs"
thought he was Michael Jackson and tried to moon walk
thought he was Britney Spears and tried to dance
thought he was an Alien from mars (which by the way "is purple and pink" wink who didn't know it's sex and had been here for 6 years looking for cheese made from a mouse (not FOR a mouse)
danced to a song from beatlejuice
tried to take his shirt off

and I thought the hypnotist would be fun...


in the closet of my heart
Well kids I finally broke.
I knew it'd happen sooner or later but I didn't think it'd be for this reason.
It's not jealousy. It's not selfishness. It's just me wishing I had someone to hold me to love me sincerely and kiss me goodnight.

I was standing there in the dark parking lot with all the people rushing to their cars and driving away from the stadium. DCI was fun, but… it was what happened in the midst of things that irked me. Katie always gets the guy and I always get screwed. This guy that I've known for a really long time was there. I've loved him since I met him. And Katie had him in her pocket in 3 seconds flat. I stared at the little spot of light under one of the bussed my mind idly wondering where it had come from and Katie rubbed my arm a bit. Next thing I know I'm in her arms crying like a third grader. I spilled my soul to her. And now I'm going to have to live with it. I'll tell you what I said.

I'm not jealous of Katie I just can't stand the fact that when we're together and a guy comes along I manage to say something to horrendously stupid that he can't help but go after her instead.

we talked about what ever came to mind:
how my dad hates my art
how our parents fight
how the pear that she had brought to eat had become so digustingly squishy hence conforming to the pocket that held it to the seat infront of us

Katie is leaving for college in 2 weeks. I'm going to miss her so much. she's my best friend in the entire world I tell her everything and now I'm not going to have anyone to talk to at school

she taught me a song by Counting Crows on the piano called Colorblind I play it and think of her.


about me
I'm artistic and a very good drawer(not the kind in the dresser)I'm funny I can't type very well if I were sexy I'd be concieted um what else? I'm semi-goth (whatever that means) I weird and spontaeouns (like a 4-year-old)
on june 30 I turned 16
I also almost flunked drivers ed
I was trying to parallel park and backed into another car
it was my fault
I didn't signal
but I still can't believe I did something that stupid
not only did I ruin my birthday
I also made it so I can't get my letter in band
I do shitty stuff like that a lot...I hate being such a ditz
my friend says I'll be a kid forever that's what I'm afraid of if I'm always a kid I'll never be able to support myself I'll never be able to take anything seriously

man I'm screwed


what goes on in my head when my brain goes out to lunch
I like making funny noises...meow...

hmm Nick is really hot I want his body...

mmm! chocolate!

ok my brain is back it just needed a little snack (fish of course)
I hate people who have an attitude, my sister being one of which, they just can't get it through their fat heads that hey you're not cool and everyone hates you ok?

people with authority problems irk me as well, I mean why can't you just do what the damned teacher says?? they think well if I'm defiant I'll be cool! If I'm the class clown I'll be cool! well it's time for one hell of a rude awakening kids, cuz know what?

no one cares

no one cares that you're the class clown sure it's funny for about five minutes then after that it's like hey that's really annoying would you kindly STOP?!
no one cares that you're being defiant sure all the girls thing oh my god he's so strong! but in reality those guys are just big fat stubborn jack asses who can't take directions cuz they're too stupid to follow more than one direction at a time!

a notice to any one out there who acts in this fashion:

stop it

defiance went out of fashion the exact same time that multi-colored head bands and bell bottoms did


Atheryne s
Community Member
Atheryne s
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