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Ok, so getting married at a young age is kinda silly..But my biggest fear is that I will just wait until he gets back and plan everything and get everything ready for when he comes back...but then he won't come back..Not meaning not come back to me to be with me...but meaning he dies over there...

And that is something I don't want to think about....

My mom is behind me on getting married, so is almost all my other family.

But three of the most important people in my life say that I am too young..and it is driving me insane, they are filling me..I can't just say they are...everyone including myself is making me feel like I shouldn't do this...

I love him, with all my heart, as silly as many of you may think. I don't know what I would do if something happened to him..or us...

I just want to be happy, and I want everyone to be happy with it..But I don't really seem to get my wish..



At this point, I would like to get married before he leaves, but if he decides otherwise...that can't be helped, I can't change his mind..it's his life, his future..

But on the other hand being a widow at 18 would be..kinda..I don't know..

But I can't think negativly like that....I just feel so...shitty, depressed, tired, annoyed, worried, happy, anxeous..impatient, and most of all I feel like a little girl who is really immature...



I know it seems like I am being really immature..but I know what I want..



So, yeah...everything is at a stand still...



As the days pass by slowly..I feel ever worse about it..until I know his descion I can't really do anything...which really pisses me off. I can't stand to be at a stand still on something so important in my life, for my future right now...

School seems so boring and life seems so terribly and dreaful. Until I know what it to happen, I will feel like this..



But this blog thing, typing it all out is making me feel alot better...kinda...

I just feel numb and tired and out of tears...so...yeah...





Well, love you all..thanks for listening to my complaints...