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Chapter 1 The Idea of me It all started one dark and gloomy night. I have no friends and my faimly usually forgets that I exsist. I was in the basement on our old broken down computer serching on the internet when a pop up came onto the screen. It offered me to take a quiz on what type of Angel I was. I took the quiz and my result came as such. <img src="file:///C:/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/1075857852_itingangel.jpg"> You are a Waiting angel. You stay inside your little world waiting for that special someone to come and take you away. You hope that the day that your love will come will be soon, and no one can pick on you for wanting to save yourself. On the other hand, your hopes decrease every day that you suffer. Try to hold on a bit longer... I read and re-read over the answer and truely beleived that it was right. As I looked on the screen and saw the beautiful picture, I thought that I wish to meet her, lonely and afraid, I knew how she felt, I understood her. I don't know why, but my hand started to move toward the screen. It was like something was controlling my hand, something made me touch the picture of the beautiful Angel. And as I touched the picture a bright light shot out from the screen. The next moment I looked at the computer and the screen showed my basement. "What's going on? Where am I?" I looked arrowed and I realized, I was no longer in my basement. Somehow, my computer transported me to a strange new world. I was in an alley way. I looked at myself. I was wearing a ragged black dress. I looked in a near by puddle and saw my face. I had blue short hair and red eyes. "What happened to me?" I asked no one in particular. Just then, a strong wind blew a piece of paper in my face. "Gaia Online" it read on the top of the paper. "Gaia" I said back to myself. Then I remember some of the kids at my school had mention it before, but they said it was just a site, they never mention being transported into it. Now I had one anwser but that anwser opened up so many new questions. I now know where I am, I'm in Gaia. But how do I get back home?

Posted by: Alonein_Darkness Wed Mar 23, 2005 @ 07:23pm

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pepsi114
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Commented on: Wed Mar 23, 2005 @ 07:26pm


	that is so cool! You rock!

Commented on: Thu Mar 24, 2005 @ 05:07am


	im excited to read the 3rd chapter of your story!

Jintei
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sabriel333
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Commented on: Sun Apr 03, 2005 @ 01:36am


	Somehow you read my mind and took my idea! How dare you! (kidding, just kidding!) On to the serious (or semi-serious) stuff: 1: Don't do it in first person. Why? Because that is a tendancy of new writers, and unless you are really special, you don't get to. I also think that it doesn't help the person to realate to the character at all. So, try to stay away from that. 2: No pictures! Bad! They don't work (for me) anyway. Also, are you going to give credit for the quiz? It sounds like something off of Quizilla (I used to haunt them) and I bet that the author of the quiz wouldn't be too happy to not be recognized. As long as it is on the internet, you should probably recognise the people that you quote. 3: Hi. Have you ever heard of the enter button? It is this really neat new invention that allows you to put spaces between your ideas. You may want to get to know each other. 4: About the plot, it is a good idea. Perhaps a bit old, but still good. And the way you wrote it was fairly good, at least punctuation and spelling wise. I'm not sure if I like the whole 'suddenly transported' thing so much. DESCRIBE. What does the grass look like? Are there clouds? Do gigantic pink bubble gum globs attack hobos? Also, stop saying 'I' as I mentioned before. Instead of saying "I was in a alley way" say "the dirty grey bricks of an alley surrounded me." It sounds more pleasing, and is more descriptive. This is constructive feedback, to tell you how to change and be better. I do not appreciate being pmed and flamed, but if you want advise I'm here. Yes, you have some tallent. Is it the best thing I've ever read? No, and I'm not going to treat it like it is. You wanted my opinion, here it is. But, don't let me get you down. Keep writing. Observe how people do things, keep a thesaurus close at hand. Using the same words is boring. Keep a notebook with you at all times. Do whatever. Just keep writing. I bet I'll see you on a best-sellers list if you do. [/speech]

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