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Josh and I are just friends right now.. But despite that.. I long to be in a relationship with him again.. I love him so much.. It hurts.. I don't know what to do.. I don't even know if he'll be able to forgive me for wanting to attempt suicide when he broke up with me.. I couldn't feel anything.. I was numb on the outside, and my heart and soul were shattered on the floor.. I didn't know what to do.. But I couldn't handle the pain much longer.. It hurt so much... I was crying too hard to breathe even.. I felt sick, horrible, and dead.. I knew it hurt him to see me in this pain.. But I couldn't help it.. It hurt so much.. x.x Despite what he's told me.. I still believe he's the only one for me.. I long to be with him, to tell him how I feel again, to just.. See him smile again... It tears me apart to see him so upset.. I never want to make him upset again.. Ever.. I just want to be with him, and to make him happy.. I need him, I love him.. I don't know what I could possibly do now... I'm trying to get back to eating, and sleeping normally.. But it's hard.. I can't eat when I'm depressed, or hurting really.. I'm just.. Not hungry.. And I wake up so often while sleeping.. It's not funny.. Josh made me promise that I would eat something this morning.. So here I am.. Sitting at my desk.. With 2/3 of a small Dole lunchsize pineapple container thingy.. o.o;; I wish.. He'd let me be with him again.. Then all this stress.. Wouldn't exist.. And maybe then.. We could both be really happy again....
 TwilightNocturne · Wed Mar 23, 2005 @ 04:10pm · 0 Comments |
