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I've been having some messed up dreams lately, BUT they've been helping me. It's strange, it's dreams where I'm making a big mistake, that I haven't even made yet, and I wake up in a sweat thankful that it was just a dream and I'm given a chance to do it right in real life what I did wrong in the dream.

One instance: I had a dream where I was filling out an application for the second time because I messed up on the first one (like in real life before I had the dream) and I ended up messing up the second application as well. Well, when I awoke, I hadn't actually started the second application yet, so I did it real carefully and success! Thank you helping push!

Another instance: I recently had a dream where I was failing a class for a job opportunity, and I was real angry, angrier than I would've normally been had I been my normal self and not so depressed, like in real life, only in the dream I lost all self control, so much that I became abnormally violent (like my brother...) and I began smashing my books on my desk. Everyone's looking at me in shock, and there's this fat bitchy ghetto girl (Yes, I have a small thing against over weight ghetto girls) talking with a high smartass attitude towards me like she's superior to me or something. At first I let it slide and walked down the middle of the class room pissed. I lit up such a commotion (yes I know that's spelled wrong), it was driving me insane I finally screamed, "Everyone shut the ******** up!". Everyone stared, still a small bit of poisonous words being tossed to me throughout the room. Normally I would be embarrassed, but I was too frustrated and angry to care. Then the ghetto girl started talking like she quote "could beat my a**" and so on. God, I hate their egos. She insisted that I quote "bring it". Little did she know I was not bluffing... I jumped on her, she was a bit tuff, but I managed to pin her down. I began strangling her, and I grabbed something (can't remember what it was) and started stabbing her with it, but then I stopped short because a piece of my sanity was still breathing and I could hear it saying, "don't do this, you're already going to jail, don't go there for life". So I spared the little b***h and ran as far from the building as I could, knowing that they had already called the police. Only thing, the ghetto b***h, knowing that her pride had been scarred, called up her little crack buddies and began chasing me down. She got a sharp pointed stick to use as a weapon to kill me. I was much to fast for her fat a** though. Cornered, I jumped off a cliff and into a lake of snakes and gators, luckly I safely made it to the other side and began running on the highway, calling my grandmother to say goodbye...

... I woke up again sweating, realizing that I still have time and that I can still maintain my self-control even though lately I been letting every little thing get to me.

I won't let it happen.