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I can't take this. Every day it seems to be harder for me not to think of grabbing the gun and shooting myself.
I am so tire of this "life" and of its stupidity and hypocrisy.....I hate it, I am drowning in this sea of lies and expectations.
I wish for once someone would be real and genuine and tell me what the hell is going on.
I hate this, all of this. I find myself thinking of the "future" that awaits me.
I want to be strong and I want people to think I'm smart/pretty/strong...anything…anything at this point yet I'm none of those things and I know I'll never be.
I'll follow this career to impress you. I'll keep this "recovery" going so I won't worry you. I will do my best to make you proud (even though we both know I can't). I'll become the old you just so you'll be proud of your baby girl.....please, show me that this is right, that you'll be happy me being this.
I don't want to be in training and find out that you don't really care either way.
I don't want to get to the point were I'll be hiding scratches and scars just cause I can't trust you.
Don’t you get it, I'm alone.....so alone that I don't feel loved anymore.
Yes, give me five minutes and I will change my mind but we all know that I'm just putting my mask on for you.
I'm fake
my eyes are fake
my smile is fake
my future is fake
I'm fake
don't you see?
all I want is you.....all I want is to be safe
protected
sheltered
from myself
my life
my future
my present
I hate this
I hate me and you don't know why
none of you know why
so many versions I have running out there
that none of you know who I am
none of you know why I'm in pain
and that's what's ******** up
cause I don't even know
cause I can't point it out anymore
cause I have so many parts to me
that I'll need a shitload of duck take to make less of a mess
thank you for being there
for talking to me
for being there for me
I'll keep your back and you'll keep mine
but when the truth comes out
will you see me eye to eye?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you don't get it and you never will.
who are you,
who am I?.
sometimes I wonder why you left my side
yet I turn around and there you are.
it's like you never left.
why do I start to cry?
my mind goes round in rhymes
and I barely keep up
and I can't understand
please save me