Just some things I wanna say, although anyone who reads this will most likely find this boring. But I just want it all out there.
Let's get the happier stuff out there first, however. Shall we? 4laugh
I just recently discovered the Russian band t. A. T. u. from this amv.
And as I type I'm listening to Я сошла с ума. 3nodding Not that I can read that or anything. XDXD
But so far my favorite song by them is either 30 Minutes or How Soon is Now - both in English, for those wondering.
Then I wanted to list a couple songs that I believe have really, really, *extremely* helped me out in life, whether or not they're particularly my favorite songs.
Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
I grew up on the Titanic movie, so automatically this was a song that I knew by heart, and I've never forgotten the words to this day. It's positively gorgeous but every time I listen to it, I want to cry. Lots and lots of big, hulking tears. xP Not just because it reminded me of the movie which is already depressing enough, but also because of what it means to me. Since I was little I always knew exactly what the song was saying, though it might seem surprising that a what, two-year-old, could comprehend it.
...And so on and so forth.
Lostprophets - Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)
I always listen to this song when I'm angry, and it always helps me calm down. It's an angry, shouty song and singing to it helps me burn off the steam I've got. Music can't completely heal whatever it is that's rubbing me raw, but it certainly helps to sing my energy off on it.
Cher - Believe, Cher - This is a Song for the Lonely, and Evanescence - My Immortal
After my first breakup with a boyfriend [[and fortunately, only thus far ^.^]] I was sitting, sulking and fuming while listening to Kidz Bop songs. Yes, this was years ago and I still liked Kidz Bop while now I ultimately hate it. xd These two songs played [[in succession]] and I immediately perked up. They were a great remedy for my heart and I still love them. ^.^ My Immortal was also my introduction to Evanescence, the first "real"/full song I heard by them. And, well, This is a Song for the Lonely is self-explanatory although I didn't hear it on Kidz Bop. xD
Any song by Cher, but specifically Bang Bang and Dark Lady
When my friends Dreameth and Firefly moved to Texas, we were both soso hurt. They were both - okay, to be honest, it was really mostly Dreameth - in love [[not literally rolleyes ]] with Cher. She was like God to them or something. And at first I really didn't like her music, but then as I listened to her more and more through them I got into her. And I haven't listened to her in at least a year but I'd still consider myself a fan of hers.
So I believe that's about it for those songs...and so in short I'll list songs I've sung in choir--even way back in fourth grade, from what I can remember--mostly for my own reference. :: Ahem ::
[[The starred ones are ones that I particularly like blaugh ]]
Papaya
Dancin' on the Rooftop
Who Can Sail*
Sakura*
Yonder Come Day*
Amani Utupe
Breaths
Johnson Boys
Hero*
Goodnight*
Take the Time*
Beneath the Window
Ah Shlo Sha*
Hine Ma Tov
Music in my Life
Tumbalalaika*
Those who want the lyrics to any of those, go ahead an' ask. I have the original singers to a few of those, too...but not all. =
So that's IT - finally, I know I know XD - for teh musicness. And now for pictures, and stuff...
No not of me. XDXD If you want one of me, I've got one on my computer. But only one. XDXD But I have to know you irl if you wanna see it, so don't be upset if I turn ya down. sweatdrop
So some things about my depression now, those who don’t wanna know, please do skip over it. :: Ahem :: So.
If I seem extremely depressed, then ask me what’s wrong. Ignoring it isn’t going to ******** help at all. And ignoring it and then asking me later what’s wrong isn’t going to ******** help at all either. In the time it takes for it to be “later,” I’ve already convinced myself that I’m not unhappy and when you ask I’ll blow it off for something unimportant and I’ll tell you that I’m fine now. So ask me right then and there, and if I say I’m fine, *then* please do ask me what was wrong later. Then I’ll at least know you did try. Most of the time, the reason I’m not saying why I’m upset is because whyever I’m upset has to do with somebody within earshot, and so I don’t want to tell you just then. Or else I’m already in the process of blowing it off.
Part of the reason I’m *always* depressed is because nobody ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever notices. My gods. Six evers. SOMEBODY ought to start noticing more. >.<! And then when I am noticed, they always give me lame advice like “nobody ever said life was fair” or “well I still love you” or “it’s okay to cry” or, or, or whatever crap it happens to be at the moment. Newflash. IT DOESN’T ******** WORK! scream Or else they, you know, make stupid jokes to make me smile. I’m always depressed somehow all the time, so just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I’m totally happy. All I need is for you to comfort me but let me be depressed until it passes over.
Also, I let all the little things get to me. Every. Little. Freaking. Thing. Even things like world hunger and crap. I’m way, way, way too nice for my own good. And I worry about some people in particular, names and reasons why I’d die before I’d list. I’m sorry if it hurts your ******** EGO if I worry about you, but it’s going to ******** happen.
Oh, and if you haven’t ******** noticed!? I ONLY ******** SWEAR WHEN I’M REALLY ******** PISSED. I can’t believe all of you so-called friends never noticed. Or else took all your ******** sweet time to ASK.
That’s all I can say tonight before I burst. But I’ll list some quickies and write the rest of the s**t on my chest tomorrow, or something, I guess.
~ ~ Don’t ******** pressure me to be happy
~ ~ Lose your ******** ego if you get your fun out of being “zomg gangsta” and ******** with everyone else
~ ~ I do NOT want to hear every ******** thought on your mind just because you think of it at the moment. Believe me, I DIDN’T want to know! Sometimes, the silence is better.
~ ~ Just call me. Just text me. Just im me. Just pm. I don’t ******** care if I’m available atm or not. I don’t care if I don’t answer. I don’t care if I’m not online. But please, just ******** do it, even if it’s just because you wanna say hi. Just do it, because if we end up being silent whole phone call, I’m happy to know you’re on the other end. If our rp ends up dying because you never replied because you were waiting to be on at the same time as me, I’m not taking the blame. It’s waiting on you.
~ ~ STOP. ********. SHITTING. ME. I don’t want to know what you have to complain about now. I mean, if you complain about “ZOMG MY HAIR GOT CAUGHT IN MY JACKET” “ZOMG MY PURSE FEELS HEAVY” “ZOMG MY CARD IS BENT AND I HAVE TO GO DOWN TO THE OFFICE TO BUY A NEW ONE ZOMGZOMG I’M SO FRAIL AND HELPLESS I CAN’T DO ANYTHING I WANT WHY DOES LIFE SUCK.” I GOT IT ALREADY! STOP TELLING ME! AND DO ONE. ********. THING. FOR. YOURSELF. DAMNIT.
But those of you who have been with me for so long, those of you that actually care, those of you that take the time to give a s**t about me – and you know who you are - I love you to ******** death and it would break my paper heart if you doubted that for even a moment. heart heart heart
ps ~~ do not pm me about this entry please, trying to comfort me. If you have *anything* else to say, then feel free. But don’t try and comfort me, because I’m getting things off my chest and finally helping myself.
So hoping I didn’t ruin your whole week…
Have a nice life! ^_____^ I’ll be back later.
&& t o . s e e . t h e . l a d y . a d o r n e d . i n . v i o l e t . . * *
