v.v I'm getting seriously tired now.
It's been about a week since my holiday from Switzerland - time flies fast even though it felt as though the holiday was months ago. But am I bothered about that? - No, I was never damn bothered about Switzerland. I'm bothered about Ayu Min and Rion-san still in their offline lives. I thought that by now.. I was sure that by today.. they would have come back.
Yes, I'm confessing it today. What ruined my holiday in Switzerland was the worry I had for these two. I know they don't mean it - I mean, even Ayu promised to be on more often, but I can't help it. Five days before leaving to Switzerland, I dreamt about one of them ending up leaving me forever. It hurts, trust me. I've had dreams like that before and it doesn't mean anything, I know that, but the dream scared me stiff. It bothered my mind and made the days feel as long as weeks. It really scared me stiff.
On Tuesday night, I felt so scared that I had to cry myself to sleep. Just shows how emotionally broken I am when we were in Switzerland. I know, I know - it's just a dream and it doesn't mean anything. But that doesn't stop me from being so scared. I couldn't even smile or enjoy the place properly. It's a shame. On Wednesday (the day they FINALLY came back), I felt slightly better. I didn't know they were on - I was in the Alps at that time. But I felt better.
Ayu-chan promised to be on, but she's still not here. It's not intentional, I KNOW THAT, but.. I just can't help it. I just want to know if they're alright, that's all. I've been through worse absences before - my best friend Yumi has been off for about a year now with only occasional snatches of news here and then. It's worse than this - but emotionally, this is worse than the whole.
Mai-chan.
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