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well, yesterday daddy wanted me to clean up the apt/memaw/johnny's place. i wasn't looking forward to it because of all the emotions i feel when i go back there. i miss memaw terribly and i get sick and nervous remembering all what i went through cause of johnny. well, i went back there and tried to get the dvd player to work so i could play RENT to get my mind off things. it didn't work so i just started working so i could get it over and done with. i started on the wood carved wall thingy where there was dust and stuff. after i did that i had to wash off the cabinet doors and closet doors. i scrubbed what looked to be pepsi, smoke, and hand/foot stains off them. and i nearly started crying. memaw had to be rolling in her grave having to see her house turned into that... mess. there were dead bugs all over the floor and blood stains. i had to get that up and i couldn't. i dusted and had to rense the rag off twice to get all the crap off. i got it back to the way i remember memaw had it. we will probably move the bed to be horizontal so there is more walking room. i honestly thought i found memaw ( i found her dead ) horizontally on her bed against the wall. but mom says it was vertical. but for style and logical reasons we will move it horizontal.
the back is almost back to normal. the smell is gone and the areas i could get to with the vaccum is good. dad will fix the kitchen and that will be that.
i just hope now i can go back there and only remember the great times i had with my memaw... mom said since i worked so hard back there it can kinda be my house.. so we can all chill back there now...
quite frankly i doubt even now i will spend alot of time over there...but i know well that if ya'll are with me... i can handle it.
peace