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A fraction of an ill mind
You lose your way and drift from one day to the next. Slowly falling into a madness of uncertainty you inevitably meet someone who lights your way again. You pick yourself up, you re-evaluate your situation and realize in this person is a way out into happiness. You give your life willingly to them for the past four years only to have it squandered away. You wonder, "How am I going to get all that lost time back?". You can't. Sadly. You're back to wandering, picking up pieces of yourself wondering where it all went wrong. You end up dwelling on it for far too long that by the time you realize that life is passing you by, you're lost, again, as to where you should pick up your life once more. All that time you dedicated to your guide however has clouded you from everything else in the world. With their hand letting you go as you were finally making your way forward again, you stumble and lose your feet. You've also made the mistake of sacrificing everything else in your life just so they could have your undivided attention, thinking this is what they wanted. At least until you find out that they're finally bored with your devotion. Things start to become clear now, you're even more alone than before. All those people who offered their assistance to you that you shunned away 'cuz you thought your guide had all the answers are no longer there. Feelings of doubt always stuck to the surface about your light in the dark but other feelings convinced you that those doubts are unwarranted. There's no reason for trust to be so shaky from the start, nothing's been done to waver it any way before. Though now you're kicking yourself for not sticking to your gut. Your regrets will linger within you for years to come, there's no way to avoid it. Faith in the world is waning more and more, seems the only course of action is just to accept what your life was meant to be. Become a drone, you avoid being hurt much more that way. You refuse to accept that, as you always have but perhaps it's time you finally should. After all, look where it's brought you. Is it worth clinging onto hope when all it's done has met you with a swift backhand to the face? A side of you is stubborn and wishes to believe the answer is yes but reality is such a difficult thing to refute. It hurts you to think that you're forced to accept that this is how it really is to life. Though it's not a feeling you haven't felt before, the hurt is all too familiar. So much so that tears have run dry and all it is anymore is just an irritating ache inside your soul that never goes away. A pain that makes you so sick to your stomach but with the inability to get it out of your system. It'll continue to reside in you as long as you continue to hope. There is no place for romantics in the world anymore. But you gotta keep on moving. You gotta keep putting on a show for the few people left in your life so that they don't get wise to you and what you really feel. You gotta keep everything brewing inside yourself without letting a peep out to avoid having people think there's something wrong with you, even though there is. Feelings are meant to be bottled in, no one cares what's bothering you. They have their own problems to deal with, what makes yours any more important than their's? It's not. Don't worry though, all these thoughts, problems, emotions that cause you grief will disappear soon. When you do. So smile when you go to sleep tonight, you'll always still have that haven. Tomorrow's another day. Unfortunately it's been on repeat for the past eight years.
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