So, uh.. yeah.
If I were to choose one word to describe my life at this very moment, it would probably be...
"Confusing"--yes, with a capital "c."
I can't really help that, but... In a matter of three months I'll be officially out of school for good (atleast.. primary school).
Then I have to worry about REAL life.
Or.. "real" life.
And I'm dealing with this fact as well as the fact that my parents are playing "Wendy in the Middle" with getting me a car... both sides are stubborn--I mean EXTREMELY STUBBORN--and I'm just caught right in the middle of this ongoing feud between my parents. They both refuse to speak to each other, and my dad has never replied to any letter my mother has sent to him...
I hate it. It's so ******** stupid.
Ah, so this is the part where I'll wave frantically at the people who take the time to read my journal... THANK YOU! I love you people, especially when you leave comments. I wonder why that makes us feel so special? I guess 'cause we know that someone is actually paying attention to us.. I don't know.
Back to my life.
To add to the confusion, I'm upset because I'm having extremely bad luck with my love life, or lack thereof. Really, all liking people has ever done for me is led to a yarnball. A tangled yarnball.
One thread is wadded anxiously into a ball and the next thread is wound around the balled-up thread so as to make a bigger ball... but it gets tangled up further...
And it's just too much. Too much to take. Not simple at all.
I don't expect love or life to be simple.. not for one second did I believe that either of those things would be easy at all. But I didn't expect that every single relationship I'd have would be the same complex MESS that they all were.
My first relationship was a flop, OH, and of course ONLINE. My second main relationship was a USELESS flop, and online. My third was... one I sort of miss still and wouldn't have been such a flop had it not been for distance and stupidity and a bitchy mom who wasn't even my own. Had Davis's mom not been such a ******** -b***h- maybe we'd still be together. Communication is completely key in a relationship and it was something we started to lack long before Thanksgiving break. So we both saw it coming, even if it still came as a shock. An amazingly and clearly inevitable shock...
Like jumping into ice cold water after being in a warm hot tub.
Sigh.
So now I'm caught in the tangle of liking someone I shouldn't like, because it's not right, and trying to hold on to that string of love I had for Davis. It should feel wrong, but when you KNOW that the hope you had for being with someone might be lost to sheer stubbornness on both parts, you can't help but also try to let go. Let's face it, neither me nor Davis plan on giving up our dreams for.. where we are right now. I'd rather, quite personally, be in Texas than Louisiana.
And the other guy..
I don't know what to say. I want to be with him but that's not good for him, not at all. If you manage to read this, you know what I'm saying. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to ruin anything that you have. I live in a different world. Just because I'm lonely and you want to fix that... That shouldn't be the only reason you want to wrap your arms around me and hold me close. That isn't a stable base for loving someone.
I don't want to be the little sister.
Heh.
It's all so confusing. Feelings entrap you in this web... and then the big fat spider rears it's ugly head; reveals it's hideous fangs and the next thing you know you've been swallowed up, intoxicated by the venom...
It's such a pain.
And then there's Spanish class. I don't want to redo the second half of Spanish. it's so retarded! I'm just glad I'm not gonna be there NEXT year...
Those poor incoming freshman. That's even worse than just being there next year with that horrid schedule. They have to take more core courses! That sucks what little fun there was left in school out of it!
Ick.
Oh well..
Things have a funny way of working themselves out, people say. I'm not sure I believe it, because I've not ever really worked things out. Not really.. things just become stagnant until they fade from existance for me. But... hopefully these things will work out, because as far as I'm concerned, each and every single worry at this moment of my life might and probably will be life-changing.
If I were to choose one word to describe my life at this very moment, it would probably be...
"Confusing"--yes, with a capital "c."
I can't really help that, but... In a matter of three months I'll be officially out of school for good (atleast.. primary school).
Then I have to worry about REAL life.
Or.. "real" life.
And I'm dealing with this fact as well as the fact that my parents are playing "Wendy in the Middle" with getting me a car... both sides are stubborn--I mean EXTREMELY STUBBORN--and I'm just caught right in the middle of this ongoing feud between my parents. They both refuse to speak to each other, and my dad has never replied to any letter my mother has sent to him...
I hate it. It's so ******** stupid.
Ah, so this is the part where I'll wave frantically at the people who take the time to read my journal... THANK YOU! I love you people, especially when you leave comments. I wonder why that makes us feel so special? I guess 'cause we know that someone is actually paying attention to us.. I don't know.
Back to my life.
To add to the confusion, I'm upset because I'm having extremely bad luck with my love life, or lack thereof. Really, all liking people has ever done for me is led to a yarnball. A tangled yarnball.
One thread is wadded anxiously into a ball and the next thread is wound around the balled-up thread so as to make a bigger ball... but it gets tangled up further...
And it's just too much. Too much to take. Not simple at all.
I don't expect love or life to be simple.. not for one second did I believe that either of those things would be easy at all. But I didn't expect that every single relationship I'd have would be the same complex MESS that they all were.
My first relationship was a flop, OH, and of course ONLINE. My second main relationship was a USELESS flop, and online. My third was... one I sort of miss still and wouldn't have been such a flop had it not been for distance and stupidity and a bitchy mom who wasn't even my own. Had Davis's mom not been such a ******** -b***h- maybe we'd still be together. Communication is completely key in a relationship and it was something we started to lack long before Thanksgiving break. So we both saw it coming, even if it still came as a shock. An amazingly and clearly inevitable shock...
Like jumping into ice cold water after being in a warm hot tub.
Sigh.
So now I'm caught in the tangle of liking someone I shouldn't like, because it's not right, and trying to hold on to that string of love I had for Davis. It should feel wrong, but when you KNOW that the hope you had for being with someone might be lost to sheer stubbornness on both parts, you can't help but also try to let go. Let's face it, neither me nor Davis plan on giving up our dreams for.. where we are right now. I'd rather, quite personally, be in Texas than Louisiana.
And the other guy..
I don't know what to say. I want to be with him but that's not good for him, not at all. If you manage to read this, you know what I'm saying. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to ruin anything that you have. I live in a different world. Just because I'm lonely and you want to fix that... That shouldn't be the only reason you want to wrap your arms around me and hold me close. That isn't a stable base for loving someone.
I don't want to be the little sister.
Heh.
It's all so confusing. Feelings entrap you in this web... and then the big fat spider rears it's ugly head; reveals it's hideous fangs and the next thing you know you've been swallowed up, intoxicated by the venom...
It's such a pain.
And then there's Spanish class. I don't want to redo the second half of Spanish. it's so retarded! I'm just glad I'm not gonna be there NEXT year...
Those poor incoming freshman. That's even worse than just being there next year with that horrid schedule. They have to take more core courses! That sucks what little fun there was left in school out of it!
Ick.
Oh well..
Things have a funny way of working themselves out, people say. I'm not sure I believe it, because I've not ever really worked things out. Not really.. things just become stagnant until they fade from existance for me. But... hopefully these things will work out, because as far as I'm concerned, each and every single worry at this moment of my life might and probably will be life-changing.
