When life throws you a curve ball, you're supposed to hit it. Some people choose to duck, others let it smack them over the head for a free home run and now and then you find the idiot who's standing the wrong way to begin with. You have to know which sort of person you are before you step up to the plate, not that I like baseball.
The fact is that I am the type of person who procrastinates. Homework is a medievil torture device that leaves me floundering. Right now I am typing on this laptop instead of writing four paragraphs for Liturature, summurising my notes for Maths, catching up with my journal for Drama, an hour worth of answering questions for History, looking for last years work for Multimedia, and writing an essay for Art. All in all I'm feeling rather overwhemled, esspecially because I spent the whole weekend writing stories and being forced to clean up the car port and wood shed for mum instead of doing my homework. I was extremly lucky today, but tomorrow I have Liturature first and I'm screwed.
What I really don't understand is how they can expect so much of us. Everyone says that it doesn't matter if you don't get the Enter score you want at the end of year twelve, and yet they berate us constantly about doing our best. I don't have a best, at anything. In Art we're doing still life pictures and I couldn't work with oil pastel if my life depended on it. In any class where I have to write down an opinion or even facts, I just can't think of anything to say. My mind goes blank during any exam or test and then wanders over to whatever fantasy may happen to be occupying my mind at the time. In Drama we're doing performances on a cutural theme. Like, my group is doing a Maori furneral and those four girls suck.
Madie has too much spirit and not enough nails keeping her bolted to the floor, or even one idea. Goerga doesn't have a thought in her head worth voicing. Kirstie could be more of a push over, though I doubt it. Emily is pretty alright, if she would just keep on the topic and stop encouraging the others to mess around. And here I am stuck with them while the others are performing samurai dances to the Mission Impossible theme and African man hood rituals. It's so unfair. With these idiots I don't have a chance of getting a good grade.
It doesn't much help that I'm the introvert, as shy as the moon is cold. In the warm up I could move with the music, but not the way I wanted. I will admit that I am a touch overweight and not that attractive, and it makes a difference. Everything I do feels like it is being judged by others and has produced in me the complete inability to work when someone is looking over my shoulder.
When I got nervous during my first solo performance for Drama this year I swore under my breath and the teacher thought I was just sighing because I had forgotten my lines. In truth I swear all the time, though no one really notices. When I discovered my first minor project for Art had gotten 86%, an A, I actually said "Bloody hell!" in front of the teacher. True, she looked completely unfazed.
Another thing I do is sing, a lot. My voice is pretty crap, but it's better than it could be and some people say I'm better than alright. But the thing is that I sing under my breath at odd times, like walking to class. Most people don't seem to notice, as far as I can tell, and while I think that's good because I get to sing, it's kind of annoying becuase no one will notice me.
That's the other thing. I can't stand being the centre of the attention, but I want people to notice and acknowledge me. It's so screwed up that at times I can't even figure out what it is I really want, other than for people to stop laying so much 'responsibility' on my shoulders. I swear I can barely pick my school bag up as it is these days.
Ideth Community Member 
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