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1. Don't work as a waitress. The manager is a vampire, and he wants you to join his legion of the undead.

2. Do not meddle in the affairs of hyenas, for you are juicy and look good in a hula skirt.

3. If you give a b***h your voice, chances are she'll want a prince to go with it.

4. If your parent/sibling is a megastar, so are you.

5. If you look like an Italian pop star, you are an Italian pop star.

6. Don't get too excited, 'cause you can fly, you can fly, you can fly...only until the magic wears off.

7. Don't buy fruit from crack whores.

8. Potatoes are smarter than you think. Especially when they're plastic, with interchangeable faces.

9. Having a 'lucky' body part will get you nowhere but the fish tank.

10. If the shoe fits, make sure you can actually run down a flight of stairs with both still on your feet.

11. A spoonful of sugar doesn't always make the medicine go down.

12. If your boyfriend is really hairy, just kiss him and he won't be as much.

13. If your initials are S.C., you are really a chubby elf that delivers presents to good boys and girls every Christmas Eve night.

14. Royalty ain't all it's cracked up to be.

15. Drag is convincing until you are in your hospital bed, and your "boys" visit you and see your boobs. And they ain't manboobs.

-edit-
The answers to my Life Lesson challenge:
1. Lilo And Stitch
2. The Lion King
3. The Little Mermaid
4. Hannah Montana (not a movie, but still)
5. The Lizzie McGuire Movie
6. Peter Pan
7. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
8. Toy Story
9. Finding Nemo
10. Cinderella
11. Mary Poppins
12. Beauty And The Beast
13. The Santa Clause
14. The Princess Diaries (specifically Royal Engagement)
15. Mulan

Hope this was fun.

Crymson.