PS- There is a lot of swearing and stuff. Pardon it plz.
Bump_Ninja
Why does it all suck so bad? Like, all my friends are too good for me. I’m constantly depressed, but I’m too ashamed to actually say it to anyone’s face, so everyone thinks I’m fine when I’m not. I try to keep my friends from getting too depressed and emo and s**t, but I can’t, since half the time no one tells me anything, and the other half the time, I don’t think they think I’m a good enough friend to tell, or something. I don’t even know. The friends I have that are in my grade are all smarter than me, and I’m such a failure at s**t that I’m never going to live up to what my parents expect from me. I want to get into college, but my grades are s**t, I have ADHD, so I can’t focus worth crap. I’m constantly horny, but I can’t do anything about it because I’m too chicken-s**t to just go and get laid like any normal person would. But I want to. My boyfriend, who’s pretty much able to go marry someone, and I wouldn’t know, since he lives in DC, is (as far as I can tell) a nymphomaniac. But he’s a nice guy too. So I hate the weather, since cold is evil, and snow is annoying. I’m constantly depressed, like I said before, and it’s not going away, like ever. I’ve been this way since summer when, out of the blue, I got so depressed I locked myself in the space under my stairs for a day and a half, just to keep the rest of everything out of sight for a while. And it didn’t work. During the night, I came out and swallowed about three times too many pills of aspirin than I should be able to handle, and the next morning I came out of the little room, and the first thing my dad said to me was “The dishes have been sitting in the sink since two days ago. Go do the dishes.” So I got grounded for the rest of the summer because I told him to bite me. So my ex boyfriend’s started smoking, and I’m worried for him, because I still love him. But he’s gay, so I’m completely out of the picture. But the fact that he’s gay is such a good combination with the fact that he’s about 15, and he has a 20 year old guy in jail, because this guy and my ex are in love. I’ve never met the dude, so I can’t tell whether the guy actually likes him or if he just wants to get in his pants. But I still want my ex, and I want the guy I’m dating now, and I’m stuck in the middle of ******** nowhere, and I don’t have a car or a license, so I can’t see either of them. I seriously want to cut myself, but I’m too much of a ******** wimp to do it. I want to just lose it one day, and let everybody know how much I hurt, but half my friends hate emos, and I don’t want to be classified as ‘emo’ because, really, I don’t think I am one, and even if I was, I wouldn’t want to lose my friends. I want to do some sort of drug, to try it, and if I’m lucky, I might get addicted. So that when I’m laying out in the street in ten years, trying to earn enough money or pick up enough dropped change off the sidewalk, then I can go buy a joint or something, and I’ll know the pain might go away for maybe just a little while. So that’s how ******** messed up my life is right now. And I wish I was never born. Honestly. I can say that without having to think it over first, because I have been thinking it over. Ever since I got so damn depressed. Hell, I don’t even know what started all this s**t…
