Well today my dad got mad at me for no apparent reason and so i didn't respond to him for anything and he said that when i don't talk to him he doesn't care. This...normally since i hate my dad you would think...well this made me cry. I went into my room and just cried my heart out. I cried not only for him being mad ta me but why he was and what happened.
I cried because i can't be good enough for my fmaily. I can't keep my dad pleased with me, my mom ignores me, shannon is always getting mad at me, and laura doesn't care about me. I've managed to disappoint my whole fmialy. That's great. Just great. Why i say this is b/c my depression has kicked in. Now i'm blaming this other thing on myself.
It was something very important to me and my boyfriend and now i am blaming myself because i feel i screwed it up. Why i feel this way is because one: my depression and two: i did screw it up. I know i did. -sigh- i seem to be screwing up everything.
I love my friends, trust me i do, but my boyfriend is the only person who is keeping me alive right now. If it weren't for him i would probably be dead at this very moment. I probably would have killed myself by either starvation, suffication, or cutting as deep as possible. So i know my friends are reading this and i know they probably feel as if they aren't important in my life but they are.
Now something is going wrong iwth my sister and her boyfriend and now my older sis shannon keeps yelling at me when i ask her why she is crying. Then when i yell at her to leave me alone when i'm crying she gets all pissed off but i am not allowed to. I don't think it's fair but it doesn't matter. I don't really care anymore.
Well what i am about to say i have to. I love my boyfriend. I love him more than my own life and if i had to i would kill someone to save his life or i would kill myself. so i just wanted you to know that nick
EDIT: ugh...my allergies are acting up. i cried a while after about 10:00 i cried utnil about 11:00 then i slept a little and then i watched tv and got on the comp. ugh...i hate it hwne i cry but at leats it's out. i'll probably end up crying myself to sleep tonight. usuallu happens when i cry during the day
EDIT2: ugh i feel like i'm going to cry again. what the hell is wrong iwth me? why am i crying so much? it's so annoying and it wears me out so much.
 heavens_akki · Tue Feb 13, 2007 @ 02:08am · 1 Comments |
