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wow last night was just a bad dream night, the last dream seemed good until I woke up to reality. The first dream was one I've had a few times in my life, but not for a very long time.

I'm alone in the dark, sitting there. It doesn't seem that bad I like being alone and I like the dark, I find it comforting most of the time. But then the voices start in, every insult I've ever been told in my life just battering at me. So many voices overlapping over and over sometimes it's hard to pick out the words but the anger and hatred in them just hurts me bad. I end up curling into a ball and rocking back and forth but the insults never end. I feel like crying but I don't want to look weak, never show weakness to others because they will use it against you. So I just sit there and suffer. Usually I wake up from that one in a cold sweat, curled up in a ball on my side, but last night it just changed to a different dream I don't really remember. I know it seemed like a good dream, one I was happy in but that's about all I can remember is the feeling. The last dream, that also seemed good at the time until I woke up. I was walking down the street holding hands with Mari, we seemed happy together just like when things first started between us. We kissed and went home to my place and I made us some food. Then we laid down and cuddled on the couch to watch a dvd. I felt really happy and content in the dream, and then I woke up alone in bed, and knew that's how my life is going to be from now on, all alone. Oh well that's life right? I'll just have to find a way to let go and move on with life, it's not like anything I ever do will change the past. I'm going to miss her a lot, she made my bad things go away and just made me so happy. I wish I did the same for her, and I hope that oneday she will find someone that does make her that happy. I'm going to end this blog now before I start thinking too much and start crying again. Have a good one everybody