Well hello again. don't know if you're reading this so i will write it anyways. i'm not talking about someone reading i'm talking about anyone reading this. last night was....different...and slightly upsetting to say the least.
well i guess i can tell you people. Okay i was talking to this guy i know named John. Well i was talking to him last night about things....some of which i forgot and well then he started to tell me what i was doing wrong with my boyfriend nick. I got pissed and upset for two reasons. 1: i was pissed and upset with him b/c he didn't have to tell me...yet he did and 2: i was pissed and upset with myself b/c everything he told me i was doing wrong was true.
So i was on the verge of tears and he told me to ask nick about it. (oh yeah heh heh forgot to tell you the problem. well what it was was nick and john thought i didn't care about nick b/c i didn't show it) and so nick got on and i asked him about it and i explained it to him...well explained it to the best of my abilities. here's most of what i remember or kinda a summary of it. w/e you want to call it.
I told him i did care probably more than he'll ever know and i didn't show it because of my past and stuff. my past with friends family, and him. with friends they would get annoyed and pissed, with shannon (my sis) she would get annoyed and pissed and with nick he would just get annoyed. so i kept my mouth shut so i wouldn't annoy him.
his response to all this was "fine forget it" and so i attempted to explain it again but in a different way.
I told him i cared a lot about him but most of the feelings i feel when i am around him and when i'm not i haven't ever felt before so i'm new at it and i didn't pry b/c my past and so i didn't want to hurt anyone so i kept my mouth shut. but that didn't work. so then when i would talk it didn't work and so i would get lost and confused and end up having an emotional break down like i was having last night.
Then he got pissed at himself b/c i was crying and he started to blame everything on himself and then i finally convinced him it wasn't his fault...or wasn't all his fault whichever he wants to believe and we both agreed it was both our faults and that we were distancnig from each other again.
Well then things got better and it worked out and then i realized i wanted to hug him...but i couldn't. and so i felt better and on monday i most likely when i see him hug him and apologize for all that happened.
also nick if you are reading this you mustn't blame yourself for it.
 heavens_akki · Sat Jan 27, 2007 @ 05:59pm · 0 Comments |
