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I came here with a goal, changing the world. It doesn't look like its going to happen anytime soon though, maybe never. Because I’m just as messed up as every other human being here, if not more.
I want to put a stop to murder. A stop to suicide. A stop to racism. A stop to hate and shallowness.
I’m nothing special, I'm just a girl. Each morning I awake, each night I close my eyes and dream. One day my body will stop functioning, and I will close my eyes and dream forever.
Let me break it down for you, idiotic or not I cry at the song iris by the goo goo dolls, and think its one of the most beautiful songs there is. Yeah, I love it.
I have a good life all-in-all. I have my ups and downs, but at the end of the day I have it so much better than a lot of people in this world.

I’m thankful every second for it.

I've lost so many close friendships. You know, those kinds you think will last forever? They now focus on more important things. I mean, well all know sex, drugs, alcohol, and vanity is much more important than love and friendship, right? I guess that’s how it is in anyone’s life though. People just change. People don’t stay the same forever. People grow up.

Sometimes, I don’t have a heart beat or a pulse anywhere on my entire body. I’m not sure if there’s something really wrong with me or what, but it just stops at random time.

The only thing is, it doesn’t hurt me or anything. It doesn’t really give me trouble breathing or doing anything I wouldn’t normally do.
It just disappears as strange as that is.

I’ve had my ups and downs in life. I’ve had the times I’ve fought through it all. I’ve had the times I’ve tried to give up completely on my life. I’ve had my smile stay on my face for weeks.

I’ve had my smile wiped away in a split second. I’ve lost, and I’ve gained. I’ve experienced dreams, and I’ve withstood nightmares. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve said apologies. I’ve broken hearts. I’ve gotten my heart broken. I am human, just like every single person on this earth. We’re no different. we may all be different sizes, weights, facial complexions, just any sort of physical appearance, but inside, each one of us in the same because we all experience love, and we all experience pain.

I can’t say, "I remember this time I flew to France and jumped off this 100 foot building" all my memories that I can talk about are, "I remember those times at the park when I'd scrape my knees, playing with friends as we laughed. I wish those times still existed and that scraped knees were the most pain we'd feel" I’ve gotten my heart broken, and I’ve broken hearts, just like everyone else. Breaking a heart doesn’t even have to be about a relationship, just hurting someone IS heart break. There are times when I believe in love, and then there are times that I believe nothing that special can exist with all the pain that go on. But without suffering, there’s no compassion, right? We need compassion to get by. I have a bad tendency of pushing people I get close to away, in any way that I can. It might be acting like a jerk to them, or just ignoring them. I try to do that so it’s not so hard when I lose them. They tell me that I won’t lose them because I can’t predict the future, but the future is based from past experiences, and in the end, we all lose everyone. We all leave the world, just as we came, and that’s by ourselves, alone. Every second, there’s someone in the world being born. Every second, there’s someone in the world dying. Every second, someone is committing suicide, getting high, being murdered, being raped, being happy, being loved, hurting, etc. Every emotion you can think of is going on some place in the world at every second.

One day in class when everyone was leaving, my favorite teacher walked over to my desk. She put her hands on my desk, looked me in the eye,

and said, "Everyone sees you as this girl who is there to tell jokes and cheer them up when they are sad.

You claim to be happy and love life, but that’s not who you are. You’re putting on a cover. You don't try your best at everything because you feel everyone’s better than you.

You’re unhappy. What is it that is going to be responsible for your death? What is it that you're hiding from the world?”

I’ve never really been as speechless as I was in that moment.

We're all the same. So how can some people think they are better than others? I’m sorry, but everyone is exactly the same in how we function. We each have a heart inside us of that’s constantly beating.

The kind of person you really are is determined by how much you use that heart.
Life isn’t about people's looks. It’s not about who has the best hair, or who has the most money. It’s not about music. Or movies. Or drugs and alcohol. Not even about sex.
Life is about loving, learning, moving on, and growing up...although they might be the hardest things we ever face.