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i had to much time today man i just had alot off time to do nothing so i just started thinkin and i ended up pondering my life and i realized something amazing the fact that i am still alive and havn't killed myself i mean my family treats me like st i hate them and they all always go against me no matter what it's about that and my life is so screwed up thanks to them i started smoking weed pot all that st and drinking at the age of 9 that and they make me so pissed that i startted cutting my self emo at the age of 6 and havn't been able to stop that and i've had my heart ripped out so many times i can barely even stand to keep breathing i trusted people and they abused all that so they took that away from me i never had a dad so that kinda makes it worse for me i'm always locked up in my room listening to anything heavy cus it's the only thing that i can really do to get away from everyone and people drove me so insane that i've become homicidal but have to much controll to kill them just torture people but all that goes threw my head daily is killing people and getting their blood on me and making a mess splattering their blood in creative ways that and i have alot of different personalities that take over as hey please i have to fight with someone everyday just to go on i've contemplated suicide so many times and tried it but it never was good enough and then before i could finish or try again someone comes and stops me and i see that if i died that alotta people would be hurt but then again it's those same people that make me feel this way emo and i don't even know how i am still standing today or what to do to help myself to try and get better or at least to try and enjoy life instead of dreading every little second of it.

Posted by: Lyfe Reaving Alchemist Thu Jan 25, 2007 @ 02:16am

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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Sun Jan 28, 2007 @ 11:36pm


	hugs i'm sorry i haven't been around for ya' hon. life is such a sweet torture in a way. and yes i would be crushed if you died. even if i push you to live as well as others i think you have too strong of a will to die so easily. just keep in mind what you live for. i think of that when i'm down and it kinda' helps but i feel so misirable most of the time. i don't know, lately i've just wanted to walk or drive on one direction and leave everything behind. but that would be following my wants and i never do that. i give myself only what i need nothing more. that might be why i envy you alex, you're able to loose it all in drugs, booze, and death attemps but i'm unable too because of my guilt and anger towards the people in my life. it's funny how stupid my mom is. she seriouly doesn't know me at all. i've wanted to kill her for a long time now and nearly came close the other day. i wonder alex if you feel the same about your mom? that you're biding your time till you can hurt her the way she has you. for me at least my mom has been a constant source of pressure, hatred, and despair most of my life. it's too bad the world is so complicated or else we could probably be happier with our lives. and hon i doubt that you started cutting yourself at age 6. no offense. some things are too impossible. sweatdrop

Commented on: Mon Jan 29, 2007 @ 01:56am


	it's just as you spoke of my mom is the same if not worse and some things are impossible yes i agree but fear not it is possible for that to happen well at least for me for my other was a b***h since i came into this world and i plan on paying her back 10 fold

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Tue Jan 30, 2007 @ 10:35am


	you're so sweet. heart i'll make sure to pay you a visit in prison if you go. do you dislike your siblings as well? i know they don't back you up that much or at all. oh yeah!!! yay!! one of my family members might live with me and my mom once he gets out of prison. xd i'm looking forward to it 'cause he's really active and fun to hang out with. his son's coming down here too but he doesn't know about it. he's suppose to be a little nutty. he's got a mental thing that makes him want and crave attention. let me put it this way, he's 15 and in 8th grade. so the yankee is going to be here by the end of febuary. woot! heart twisted

Commented on: Wed Jan 31, 2007 @ 12:24am


	that sounds ******** awsome

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 01:57am


	it tis. ugh... why is this week taking so long to go by???? gonk

Commented on: Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 02:17am


	dude this whole month went by fast

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 02:34am


	yes the month has gone by but the days are slow..... sweatdrop

Commented on: Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 05:47am


	well to me it wen by fast

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 03:04am


	xd it's feb.!!! yay!!! xd this month will rock, i feel it.... 3nodding and far well to the quick and horrible jan.

Commented on: Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 03:15am


	hells yeah

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 05:12pm


	heart heart heart heart xd heart heart heart heart Do you feel the love?

Commented on: Sun Feb 04, 2007 @ 04:19am


	eh i guess

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Mon Feb 05, 2007 @ 03:26pm


	cool sorry, i was bored and didn't know what to write. ever have that problem?

Commented on: Tue Feb 06, 2007 @ 12:29am


	lol yeah and somehow it always comes out good

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Wed Feb 07, 2007 @ 12:52am


	whee my head hurts.... >_< yes it does seem to fall into that pattern.

Commented on: Wed Feb 07, 2007 @ 02:01am


	yup

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Wed Feb 07, 2007 @ 02:07am


	what now mr.veracruz? god, that's so much fun to say. xp

Commented on: Wed Feb 07, 2007 @ 02:27am


	so what

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Wed Feb 07, 2007 @ 02:29am


	i dunno'. i'm asking you. god! blaugh

Commented on: Sat Feb 10, 2007 @ 01:18am


	ohhhhhh

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Sat Feb 10, 2007 @ 02:44am


	rolleyes

Commented on: Sat Feb 10, 2007 @ 04:15pm


	blaugh

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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IM-Ollie
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Commented on: Tue Feb 27, 2007 @ 06:03am


	u guys need 2 read johnny the homicidal maniac

Commented on: Wed Feb 28, 2007 @ 03:43am


	ok

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Ryusaki_Toshiro
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Commented on: Sat Mar 31, 2007 @ 12:26am


	heart i have two books of him. heart

Commented on: Fri Apr 20, 2007 @ 05:33am


	bump

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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Commented on: Sat Apr 21, 2007 @ 05:11pm


	bump

Commented on: Fri May 11, 2007 @ 04:05am


	what you believe is not my concern but only your own oppinion and yes i wait for that moment

Lyfe Reaving Alchemist
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