So yesterday was boring and all bc my hunny wasn't on and I was stuck at school well except for Cloud who talked to me. I really like talking to him he's awesome and great! Then my friend Shaunelle came on and she was so happy for me and Steve! I have decided to go to Michigan this summer no matter what my mom says! If she says she'll kick me out I'll just stay at a friends after I get back! Or maybe I won't go back....j/k I have to bc I have to go back to school in the fall! Blahness! So I was talking to my mom and my hand began to hurt and then she said I may be getting carpel tunnel bc I type to much and write all the time but such is life........I mean ppl just have to write and type so there is no getting out of it! School is demanding man I have this paper I have to write for socio and it's so.........well actually it's pretty cool I feel like a real college student and all it makes me feel all grown up but I'm really not just a little side note! umm yea I have regression problems and tend to act like a 12 year old and such crazyness! I think it is me coping with my dad leaving me and all.........yea. I went to therapy but it still can be a little difficult....I mean he wasn't the best dad in the world but he was my dad and...........now I just hate him for what he did and some part of me pretends that I don't care which is most of the time. I woke up one day and just began to play my part in life....go to school...eat....sleep.....get up.......do the dishes.....do the chores......I'm a boring person in real life bc I have nothing to do. I have to obey the rules in my home bc I live there but I'm more like a guest at my house. It can be taxing on someone who just wants to be like the other ppl out there that goes out and has fun with there friends........My friends don't talk to me as much and this semester I've been stuck at home and school with nothing to do. I really have no friends here and the ones that want to be my friends I don't want to be friends with, they just annoy me but they are all that is there at times. I've even resorted to talking to my sister and of course I love talking with my bro he's awesome! Something has been pulling me and I've known for a while that I'm not to be in Madera anymore but where it is that I am supposed to be, that is the hard part. When I was in Colorado it was apparent to me that I had to move back to Fresno or those whereabouts. I sit here thinking about so many things and think why do I have no freedom while everyone around me does?? well here's my take on it.......my mom is so worried that I will die that she is protecting me from anything and everything......When I was a baby and just a month or two old I got sick with pneumonia and was close to death but my Uncle gave me a blessing and believe it or not it was from God and for all the Mormons out there you'll see this is true. My mom always told me that I was special but never mentioned that in that revelation it was said that I would have a short life and die at a young age........so far I'm still here and all. Wow when you write it down it really hurts and reality sinks in. So there is the dilema, I don't know from what but it may be cancer bc I smoke it may be some freak accident or it just may be.....from me. It is difficult to write this but understand life has no sweetness like it once had the only sweet taste is Steve and that makes me so alive gives me something to live for when all that was in my view was..........nothing. In this story I am writing there is this veil of time I think that this veil of time is someplace not so far away......I've always been close to the veil of the spirit world. I write my life in a world unknown to any but that lies within my heart. My works are more than just stories they are deeply embedded in truth and reflect my life in small ways. I'm listening to Rammstein right now and yea I love this band.
SuperKunt Community Member 
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