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No one understands how I feel. They think it is super negative, I need God to help me, or they think I am doing it for attention. I guess they are all right but I really do feel aweful.
I feel as though some mysterious shadow has plunged a crooked dagger into my heart and I can't get it out. I just want to disolve into the earth and dissapear from human eyes. Only the plants and animals know I am there. Sometimes I just lay on my bed crying wishing for death.....how I felt not too long ago. I couldn't find my knives. My mother probably found them in my room while she was cleaning.
I will have to go through my dad's hospital stuff to find some more. They are super sharp and meant to cut flesh. I only make small scratches. They itch so I rub and scratch them which makes them scars. The physical pain gets my mind off my mental pain.
I am so sick of people saying I am so happy, pretty and smart. Why won't they speak the truth? Something about their eyes tells me they aren't being honest.
Is it pity? Is it pain? Wisdom?
 Zabethlyburn · Thu Jan 18, 2007 @ 02:23am · 3 Comments |
