I just kind of lost it when i got home. like usually when i get home i can go into a reserve where i'm calm and i can just go about the rest of my day but today that didn't happen. when i got in the car with my sister she started to nag me about how late i was. ya know the normal but i just got really pissed at her and shut up until i got home. then she started to tell my mom and i nearly started to cry as i explained it to my mom (who agreed with me) and my dad who didn't really reaspond.
okay i know, you're wonder, how is that you losing it? well i went into my room to cool off and listen to music but as i turned on my music i started to cry. i couldn't help it. i just couldn't stop crying. and then finally after i stopped which was like 30 minutes later i fell asleep for about 5 hours.
I know all the reasons as to why i was crying. it wasn't hard to decipher my problem. i won't say because in all honesty some of you people don't need to know. i didn't have to bad of a day. went by as normal but i just lost it when i got hom. i couldn't take it anymore.
now i'm really depressed for once again reasons some of you people don't need ot know. i'm sorry for not telling any of you but that's just how it is. i'm sorry if you're worried about me or anything but i'll be fine. i've dealt with it before.
Right now i don't know what it is. i just want to become invisible. see how many people truely care. sometimes i wonder who would notice my abscense for reasons i wanted them to. no do not comment this anyone who is going to say "i'd notice" b/c in all honesty most people's words to me now are meaningless.
it's only shown through actions that i'll believe certain things. right now a lot of lies are going on in my life that i know about i just don't say anything about. why is b/c i'll allow the poeple to believe what they said is a true thing to me even when it's not. if they really wanted to tell me they would have.
I've decided to become nicer. i'll allow people their freedomw ithout hurting them. and i won't make anyone tell me anything no matter if i ask or not. i'll do my best to tell the truth from now on to everyone who asks. it probably won't work for a while but oh well.
also when i go back to school tommorow expect a very...different you could say...person. i'll probably be depressed (Do NOT ask me what is wrong. i'll probably end up shooting someone who does) and very angered at certain things. so i say do your very best to avoid me. do not tempt me to do anything please i ask of you not to.
on a different note some other things
 That is me...or what i wish to look like at school or somewhat of what i look like.
 heavens_akki · Thu Jan 11, 2007 @ 05:13am · 0 Comments |
