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Sorry for not writing journal, I've had a lot going on lately. If a new years starts horribly wrong, it can only get better right?
at least I found out why I was getting all those heart pains, and I also found out that my friends care about me a hell of a lot. without them I might not be writting this. two days ago I was feeling worse than usual, and all day at work I was lashing out at people and I was more klutzy than normal. I thought it was just nerves 'cuz I was getting evaluated that day, but it was just a building pressure.
the breaking point for that pressure was when Rufus came to the mansion to fire me in front of everyone. it was horrible, my free rides had run out and it was time to fix my own problem, what do I do? I snap. mt was like my heart split in two and turned black. I went insane and it hurt so much. I remember running out of the mansion, getting a text from Yuffie and then all of a sudden she was there. then the nightmares started. it was so dark and so cold. there was a scarey voice, he kept talking about destiny, but I wasn't listening ... I was trying to find someone. but after being lost in the dark for a while, I saw dreams that weren't mine.
they were Yuffie's, she said I saw her mother ... she was warm, but she hurt my eyes. too bright. I was drifting for a long time and I had said stuff to some friends that I wasn't proud of (like Daji, but he forgave me heart ) I didn't want to wake up, I was too ashamed. I did wake up though, the light kept calling me, so I followed it.
everyone was really happy when I woke up, and I gradually started to feel better. being around my friends kept the darkness away. I'm never going to leave them ... but I am unemployed now sweatdrop I'll need to find a new job soon and think of a way to repay everyone for saving me. I don't think I can tell them how much it meant, to know that they care.
hopefully this will never happen again, And Casu, don't feel bad ok?
Lala said I'm easier to deal with now, that has to be a sign that I'm growing up, getting more mature. If being mature means dealing with my own problems then I sure as hell am gonna try to stay this way. no more relying on Yuffie and Axel to bail me out, I have to start taking responsibility. life is hard and I'm gonna have to get used to that.
night journal.
 VanillaMinx · Tue Jan 09, 2007 @ 02:46am · 5 Comments |
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