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Today was the day my family had the sevice for my grandfather. It was small and quiet just like what he would have liked. I wasn't so open to the fact that it was an open-casket service because I was/am still having a hard time taking in the fact that I just losted my grandfather. I tried not to get too near it for fear that I would just break down to pieces and cry out again.

It was always very hard because I had watched and listen to my aunt's cry in pain, anger and regret. She, herself, was financially was really unable to drop everything and go see my grandfather. It was hard, to tell her that grandpa died. She never was able to say anything after 4 years ago. My twin(not real but I always thought of her as that) she was beside herself. She didn't know what to really do once she saw him. In the end she did what she thought was right for her to let him know she misses him.

It was still hard to see them leave in the airport. Everyone sad, tired, lonely, numb and just wanted to just keep more time with my grandfather. I was sad to watch her go but I knew that it was for the best. For all of us to try and pick up the pieces of our lives and try to live on. Hour by hour, day by day. This will eventually go on to weeks. Then months. And years. But by then, I hope to see that all of us would be healed and at peace.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I'm going to lurk about before going to bed and trying to not get sick.