Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Okay so my friend Neil invited me over to his place after school to watch some DVD's...way fun. Had a little trouble finding his house...but that's just because he sucks at directions!!! Anyway, ... love. Gothic love especially...is something I have yet to understand. While I was over there, Neil's girlfriend Faun called up. She was all worried and mad because Clayton (I HATE HIM) told her that Neil was cheating on her...and ofcourse having me laying on his bed watching DVD's in the dark didn't help the situation at all...so she was all like "why would you cheat on me? what did i do?" and then he was all like "i'm not cheating on you! faun...i love you!" It was hectic. Oh well...I hope they sort things out. As fond as I am of Neil...Faun and him are such a sweet couple...though it seems a bit odd to me. They're almost completely opposite. They're both gothic...that may be true, but Neil is so outgoing and humerous...while Faun just seems like she generally hates everyone and everything. Well I suppose I shouldn't judge her like that...I mean, after all...in some ways I really look up to her. She's almost everything I've ever wanted to be. She's so pretty...gorgeous. A real beauty. She can pull of the gothic look with ease...and she is dating one of the nicest guys I know. Not only that...but as good of an artist as I am...she's 10 times better. Darn you Faun...you're my idol...but why? Is it just the looks? The talent? Yes, that must be it...in all honesty I don't want to be anyone else but me on the inside. I dont' want to be so coldhearted...I don't want to spend hours just glaring at the world. I like to enjoy and embrace things and people I meet. But still.......there's part of me that wants to switch places with her so bad.

I have such a sweet boyfriend, whom I wouldn't trade for the world...and a different kind of beauty...as well as a different style of drawing...but for once...I'd like people to idolize me the way I idolize Faun. Just once....