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((EDIT:: See next journal entry. I've solved this one.))

Have you ever had one of those moments where you question your sexuality?

Now, have you ever had one that lasted several hours?

No, you sickos. I'm still a virgin. It's just, I'm not really sure right now. It's like nothing I feel for guys right now is really, you know.... actually what I feel. It's almost like I've been forcing myself to like these two guys (who will go nameless because some of you actually know them.) I don't like not knowing things, especially things about myself. It's so weird.

Like, whenever I'm with ECPW, I feel like this, this, or even this.

When I'm with RNWS, I feel like this and something else there is no song to relate to that I haven't written.

Now, the most difficult part. My friend who will remain nameless. She may or maynot have a Gaia. That's not important. What is important is that I'm trying to figure it out.

She can make me feel like this, this, and this. Only on a lesser scale for the last one.

I've written a few songs where we sing about a guy who separates us, and I'm always the fool in them. I guess that's true still. I haven't shown her any yet. It's kind of taring me apart, not knowing what I think.

And here's another kicker: the girl who I'm talking about is VERY much straight. There is no way she'd ever even think about bending, not once. Probably would still throw bricks at gay couples if she was drunk. That is, assuming you could get her to drink. She's so stubborn- but then again, so am I. And we always agree on just about everything. We've only fought once, over something AMAZINGLY stupid, forever ago. And neither of us said anything bad about the other.

Yeah, I realize I'm screwed.

Help me?

Your Lord and Master,
Lois

EDIT:: Song, I totally love you and everything, but you know..... The whole internet friend thing. You know what I mean.

For those of you who know me, I'll give you a couple of things that exclude people you know, and maybe even you.

1) Like I said, she is so straight you could roll a toy car on her sexuality.
2) She is in a musical elective at Bush.
3) She and I talk to each other just about everyday, excluding 1 day on the weekend and most major holidays.
4) I have 2 class periods with her, 3 if you include lunch.