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Why does everything always work out for everyone else? The thing I want the most, I can never have, yet other people get it. Everything always works perfectly for them, and I struggle for something to happen and it never does. Kaz doesn't care, he doesn't care about how I feel and just yells at me. I feel like he doesn't try for me. It's never any problem for other guys to do things for their girlfriends. I'm the one that gets nothing. I wish I didn't love him. I could have my choice in guys, I've turned down a lot of them, and right now, I think there's about five that might be interested. But I love him too much. I just wonder if anyone else would try harder for me. Well I guess I will find out in three months, if Kaz is going to try or not. After that I'll know. Everytime he doesn't come through, and I get upset, he just yells at me. He doesn't know how bad I want to see him, but I'm wondering if it's even worth it. I don't want to get yelled at to my face. It's bad enough on the phone. I spent today doing the event, and talking to a bunch of people. Jamie has a webcam now, that's cool. I want one now, cause it's like talking right to the person almost, if you both have one.

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