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yesterday I didnt go to school because i didint finish my essay .... so I went to the mansion to hide! Yuffie and I played a ninja game it was fun! and I learned not to hide behind a potted plant and then get up and move with it still in front. anyway, after I hid behind a plant, she hid! and then .... i found her! HA! she was in the ceiling the whole time rolleyes

then I ended up going to school for last period, but thanks to my new ninja sneaking skill ... my other teachers didnt see me whee then I went to work! I got lost in a random storage room for a while, that was fun. there is a lot of cool stuff at ShinRa. when I got back to my desk there was a muffin on it! I ignored it for a while but I really really wanted it. no one claimed it after an hour so I ATE IT! it was sooooo good and I was really happy. I also worked an extra hour so I can buy some groceries, remind me to do that today. I wonder who the muffin belonged to. I made up a fantasy of Rufus leaving it for me but that is the opposite of true.

you know, I think my fangirlish tendencies form because I have trouble expressing my true feelings for the people I know, so I project them onto unrealistic objects of obsession. or maybe I'm afraid of rejection or commitment and so I pick guys that would never even look at me so I don't have to face either one of those things ... maybe I should just stop this obsessive behaviour ... I think it creeps people out.

wow, where did that insight come from? eek

Riku came in today. I didnt talk to him like I told you. it actually hurt my heart to see him, even though the one I ... wasn't real. and Ao's wierd baby poked my leg again, so I picked it up and let it sit on me. it isn't that bad I guess .....

someone was making fun of Bunni today ... we just started hanging out but I like him already and his sexual preference shouldn't stop anyone from being his friend! he is soooo cool! and really nice and I like him a lot so there!

Axel scared the crap out of me today ... he was acting like he didnt know who I was, but then later when he went back to the mansion he was fine. I don't get it ... something is up but I'm gonna take his "advice" and not think too much about it.

when I woke up today I realized I was on the floor ... I had a dream about screaming rainbows that were gorgeous confused what the hell was that about?

later journal heart