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Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
This song hits me hard. look back on my past as i listen to the lyrics and I am hit over and over wiht an invisible shock that takes shots at breaking down my emotion shield. I thought of Brad and how I couldn't stand up to him and tell him that what he was doing was wrong. Through lies and desiet to him, he began to hate Chris... In actuality, It's about time Chirs found out the real reason that Brad didn't like him... It wasnt because he was in a lower grade.. he was angry at me for being able to talk to chris about my emotions... I always lied to Brad but turned around and told Chris enything. Brad looked up to Chris and at the same time hated him... because of me.
I also look back into my friendship wiht severen. I never told anyone about him except he was the greatest friend i ever had. Which, to date is no longer true. Remember when I said on this account that I had a friend take his life away right in front of me? I wasn't lying. I felt like s**t becasue I couldn't help him away from al his problems. He died because I couldn't stop him from taking that knife away from his throat. This might be somthing huge to some of my friends because they dont know that I've seen way more s**t than I portray myself to have seen. Can you imagine a 3rd grader commiting suiside? Have you ever witnessed it? I doubt you have. Technicly I didn't seee him die though... I had to leave as he was in the hospital, mom was making me move. There was a strong chance he wouldnt have lived... i got the strangest feeling he was dead... I hope not.. but i refuse to let myself think he's alive to get disapointed...I've seen my Great Grandmother pass away in my arms. I've witnest my Closest Grandmother having a heart attack and being dragged into a hospital car. I've seen my mother and my father SCREAM at each other at the top of their lungs. I've seen the harshness of reality and the problems that wont be spoken from me by words. You will never HEAR me mention Severen's death, or my parents yelling at each other. I WILL avoid that conversation even if it means leaving the room or hanging up rudely on you.
I thought of Tim.. a different one. Him and I used to be friends in the 2nd grade until one day I told him that I wanted to steal his Girlfriend. I don't remember why I said it but it set him off and we fought all the way up until my final day at elmhurst where he flipped me off as i looked back.
I than think of Shanna and how her and I hardly talk anymore. Maybe a few sentences before we log off... What I had was so great... so pure.. and i ruined it because of my selfish words and thoughts. There is too much on my mind when I think of her that I cannot possibly hope to get it all down on this entry.
It also reminded me of how Chris my...Brother, and in essence, his guidence, like he was almost my dad. You know what i mean? He watched out for me and we had each others backs. I almost ruined a life time friend. If we would have become enemies I prolly would have put a knife to my heart or a cap through my temple that night...but than we talked it over and we got over it after a smal fight.
I realize how luck I am to have lived through all this. There have een attempts by me to take my own life.. Many attempts.. in secret. I have jumped into Icey cold undertoe, Jumping in front of multiple cars, and trying to get gansters to shoot me my entaginizing them. Now that I have lived thorugh all this it has justproved that I am of use still to god and he wants me to live for a greater perpose. He hasnt told me what i am soposed to do yet, but maybe thats because im not listening well enough to hear his voice.
 terinore · Fri Dec 15, 2006 @ 05:35pm · 0 Comments |
