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Its 12:14
December 4th 2006.
I am in fourth hour, and so far today I havent spoken a single word to anyone but Circe. (I tried not to talk to her but she made me.) I am left to think, "What now?" What do I do? What do I do now that I am quiet? Do I continue thinking in my state of mind? What is it that I want to achieve by staying quiet?
Destiny... Time... Love... Truth...
What do all these words mean to me?
Destiny: Somthing that happens regardless of time or space.
Time: an illusion
Love: A story of romance and joy between two people that destiny chose them to be together.
Truth: Natural answers to anything. Truth doesnt mean words. I believe truth is that without lies. So a tree is truth, natural, doesnt change for anyone.
I believe god put my on this Earth to be the hint of hope to everyone. I've tried many times to stay devoted to one person, but that seems impossible. I am te voice of god. Only not really. I sharevisions as to what God wishes me to do. Spread his light, treat with kindness, Comfort the needy.
I believe god told me to stay because what else could have changed my mind about moving to dads? I believe he spoke into my ear over night and we disscussed why I was leaving. Though, I don't know why God wants me to stay in Lansing, whether its to help Circe or to help Chris anialate all demons. I... miss Shanna... but i've got to keep on pushing forward, I can't look back or ill be grabbed by my past.
Circe and I talked alot on Sunday, she actually described how she felt to me, it's the same way i feel about myself. She tells me she's confused, "Part of me want's you, but part of me wants to be with Keri, and it seems either way, you or Keri is going to get hurt and ill get hurt either way."
Thats kinda how it is with me...
I don't know... mabe things will get better as Circe starts to learn more and more and can start leading herself away from Keri. I usualy do not pass judgement on people but Keri is what I believe to be either evil, or sick and domented inthe head. Hitting the girl you claim to love, than comforting them as they cry, only to hit them again as soon as they get back up? Lying either though you know its pointless? It baffles me on why she's like this.
I do not really care one way or another for Keri, Circe right now deserves to get away from Keri, she is the reason that Circe cannot smile whenever she wants. All day today, while Keri was with her, Circe kept looking over at me and like she was reconfeming herself that i was there for her. I would give her a smile and i would nod to her, than she'd go back to help Keri with whatever she was doing.
I swear, I will save her... whatever the cost, even if it means hiding my emotion.
I pulled my hair into pig tails becuase i thought Circe would laugh, true.. she did she said it was cute. Though, she rubbed my back gently as I tried to sleep in 3rd hour. I didnt fall asleep...
speaking of sleep i am tired, im going to nap for the next... 23 minutes i have left in this class, good day to you all.